Back to School

It's that time again. We started back to school today. Well...the teachers did. I have 39 days until Asher's expected arrival and it's time to go back to school. Just to be honest...I'm kind of nervous. You wouldn't believe how many people have told me they think starting back to school will put me in labor. :) I am ready to meet my little man don't get me wrong. I just want to wait a little while longer so he's finished "cooking" and ready to come home. I have organized and organized and organized my classroom until I don't think I can organize anything else. LOL...I want it to be as prepared as possible for my substitute and I just keep finding more to do.

Asher...he's a growing guy let me tell ya'. I went three months without gaining any weight so my doctor wanted to do a growth sonogram on the little man to see how big he was. Well...he was already right at 5 pounds and that was 2 weeks ago. So...he's either coming early or going to be HUGE!!! Take your pick... No need to worry. After that sonogram they weighed me and I gained 4.5 pounds in two weeks time. My short fat self looks like the pillsbury dough boy right about now. I caught a sideview of myself in the mirror and about passed out.

Is everything ready? You know the girl I was before Ian. The one who was organized, cleaned, a planner, and all together. Well...SHE'S BACK!!! :) Our house has never been this together. I have his room ready, his bags packed, my bags packed, his bassinet by our bed, his pack and play and bouncy seat in the living room, and his carseat in the car. I am READY!!! I just can't wait to meet this sweet little boy. He's already a stinker at night. Up all night playing and kicking me to death and he has the hiccups EVERY night!!! I just laugh at him sometimes. He sticks his fist so far out when I lay down in the bed you'd think I could hold his hand.

Side effects...I've had every side effect of pregnancy you could imagine. Have I been miserable? YES. Am I still thrilled to be pregnant? YES. Will I have another baby? Not unless the Good Lord just insists on it and puts one in my belly. It's not on my to do list in the near future. I'm just fine with Asher and Wae is too. He's going to be perfect and precious to us and he is just exactly what we want. Just think the next time I update it just might be that I'm a mommy again!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk to ya' soon...

A cutie pie...

A couple of weeks ago Wae and I were able to see Asher during our 3D/4D ultrasound. We went to a place in Chattanooga, TN that does only sonograms and let me tell you that is their specialty. Asher was being a handful and did not want us to see his face. He had his arms wrapped together and his head poking down in his arms. If he ever moved one of his arms he quickly kicked his leg up and put his foot in front of his face. We laughed and laughed and had a good time with it though. We told the girl that we were just happy he could move so good. From the looks of it...Asher is going to be a stubborn little boy :)


After a lot of moving around, potty breaks, and me practically standing on my head we were able to see our little miracle. And...he was so perfect. He looks just like his daddy according to these photos. However...it looks like he just might have my lips and chubby cheeks. Maybe he'll be a perfect mix. We really don't care who he looks like. We are just ready to have a healthy little boy.


My family and friends gave us our baby shower last Sunday and it was so perfect. Asher got so many wonderful things. Monogrammed outfits, monogrammed burp cloths, monogrammed bibs...are you seeing a pattern here. His name is everywhere :) He will definitely know his name. We have a closet full of clothes and a carseat ready for our little man to ride in. A new bathtub sitting in his tub waiting for a sweet baby to bathe and bottles ready to be washed and used. A bassinet in our bedroom (yes...I said it is already in our bedroom. I am just so excited I can't hide it anymore :) I've even got the pack and play up and ready in the living room. All we need is our little boy to use all his goodies but we are patiently waiting until he is ready. Hoping God has him prepared a little early.

I am still in awe at the miracle God is giving us and I find myself in shock and disbelief at times. I remember being wheeled to the NICU at St.Vincent's hospital when I was supposed to be going to my car and headed home with a healthy Ian. However, God had different plans. I remember telling my nurse Kesha that it was nice to meet her but that I would NEVER see her again because I would NEVER be able to have healthy children. She told me I was wrong and that one day she would see me with a healthy child at St.Vincent's. I absolutely cannot believe it's true but it is!!! *Imagine me screaming....I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!*
Hope you enjoy the pics of Asher :)

Happy and Blessed...

Last year this time if you would have told me I would be writing a journal entry titled "Happy and Blessed" I think I would have been very offended by your comment. However, this year as I sit and think about my life the two words that resound in my thoughts are happy and blessed!!!

I was working in Asher's room last night and trying to organize everything because he will be here in less than 11 weeks!!! As I was folding the clothes freshly washed in dreft and smelling like a little baby tears started to stream down my face. Happy and blessed...I bowed my knees and fell to my face in thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. All I could think was "Lord, thank you!!! There is nothing else I could ask of you. I have everything I could ever want at this moment and YOU are the reason."
In astonishment still I ponder the thought that we are having a healthy little boy. When the doctors said it was so highly unlikely God performed a miracle in our lives the doctors had never seen. "Mrs.Ellis there's just no explanation for this!?!" And my response will always be..."There is an explanation to this and it is that MY GOD answers prayers!!!" Matthew 21:22 says "Pray for anything and if you have FAITH you will receive it."

Some of you are probably thinking right now about Ian. You are probably thinking how can she feel so happy and blessed when her 1st child died?!? Let me tell you something...If it weren't for Ian Andy Ellis and the life lessons that he taught me I wouldn't be happy and blessed. I would be like everyone else. I would be obsessing over things that didn't matter and simply overlooking the blessings. However, now I see the blessings and am so grateful for what I have in this life here on Earth. That little boy is the number one reason I am able to feel happy and blessed. Do I miss Ian? Goodness yes! Missing Ian will never be over as long as I live on this earth and he lives with Jesus. But you know what? I have the hope of Heaven and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll be with him one day. But for now...I am here on this earth and I will make the most of every day I have here.

Asher's name means happy and blessed! Wae and I are as giddy as school girls over our healthy little boy and we cannot wait for his arrival. It's been a long four years and a long road of heartache to find this happy and blessed attitude we now have. However, Asher has brought back our happiness and our hope and it's such a good feeling. We are making plans for the future. Really?! That's what people do. We already have plans for his first Auburn game and we are over the moon about our healthy little boy starting his love for Auburn football. We can dream about when he'll go to Auburn and follow in his daddy's footsteps when we weren't able to have that dream for Ian. (Yes...I would rather it be Alabama but this is Wae's healthy little boy and Auburn he'll be. One day I'll have an Alabama cheerleader :) We can plan the toys to buy him for Christmas because he'll actually be able to PLAY!!! We can plan vacations with our friends and not have to worry about being sad because our little boy can't do what the other kids can do. We can plan for a future with Asher with hope and dreams and that feeling is AWESOME!!! We are so happy and blessed....

Tonight as I type to you I wonder...How many people reading this also feel happy and blessed? Or how many people reading this find something to complain about in their lives and be unhappy about when really you too have all the reasons to be happy and blessed as I have?!? How many of you are so obsessed with the mundane daily tasks of life that you forget to thank God and be humbled by the blessings He has given you. I know if God hadn't of broken me by the life I had with Ian I wouldn't have the happy and blessed attitude. However...God broke me in order to rebuild me to the person He wanted me to be and believe it or not I am thankful for the experience!!! I hope some of you are able to feel as happy and blessed as I do tonight and are able to thank God for your many blessings as you close your eyes tonight.

The Other Side of Heartbreak...

Wae and I were asked by a local photographer to go to Birmingham yesterday late afternoon to be a "model" for a maternity session at a photography convention. Yes...this was way outside the box for us. We were standing in front of a classroom full of photographers and my belly was all hanging out and let's just say it was interesting. :) I couldn't believe Wae agreed to do this with no fight. Come to find out God had a plan for us yesterday at this convention and He had arranged all the details to fall into place.

While we were there we met a family who just lost their 17 month old little boy. He had a lot of health problems and about a month ago he passed away. He lived his entire life of 17 months in the hospital at Children's Hospital. (Yes...if you did the calculations he passed away Mother's Day weekend. Double whammy for this sweet young family!!!) They are in the throws of experiencing emotions you can't understand unless you yourself too have lost a child. They are in the middle of sleepless nights and long hard days when all you want to do is sleep. They are experiencing regrets and questioning every decision they made for their child. They are experiencing the hard times!!! The days when you can physically FEEL your heart breakiing every day that you don't get to see your child. People often say you can't feel heartbreak...well I'm here to tell you that you can feel heartbreak as if it's as real as slamming a glass plate to the ground and shattering it into a million pieces. Heartbreak is real and you can feel it in every joint of your body. It is EXHAUSTING!!!

As we were able to talk to the grandmother and dad of this sweet little boy who lived such a hard life we were reminded of the heartache you experience when you lost your child one month ago. He approached us by asking..."Do you have any advice for me?" WOW...do we have some advice. The only problem is...you can't think of it on the spot you know?!? There is so much I would love this family to know. I would love for them to know that well meaning people say the wrong things and you have to learn to overlook their comments. I want them to know that when people say "You'll be better one day. The pain won't always be there" that those people are right and wrong. The pain will always be there but it will be different. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss my sweet little Ian. However, I have learned how to live my new life without Ian and I now am able to function and live the new life that God wants me to live. Am I better nearly two years later...I guess it depends on who you ask, but I would say yes they are right. You do get better. However, the pain is still there, my heart is still broken, and I will always and forever miss my two year old son who now dances with the angels.

I would say we are nearing the other side of the heartbreak now. After talking with this family I could see that my emotions are so different now. The pain is not as fresh and my heart is slowing being welded back together. Are the cracks still there? Yes they are there and they will always be there. The pieces of my heart are simply glued back together and somedays the glue gets lose and some pieces start breaking again. However, MY GOD helps weld those pieces back together time and time again and He sustains me when I think I can't go on another day. So to that sweet dear family I met yesterday...your heart will mend...one day and God will carry you through to the other side.

As I sit here and type with my sweet healthy Asher kicking in my belly I praise God for yet another miracle in my life and I pray for the day when He can bring you to the point we are finally at. Much love and many prayers for your precious family!!

Rhizo Kids Conference

The Rhizo Kids Conference has come and gone again for another year. Tracey Thomas and Tangie Collins took on this task and were in charge of the conference this year and they did an awesome job!!!

As we were preparing for the conference and getting swamped down with all the tasks that must be accomplished to pull it off I was getting discouraged and ready to give up my part of Rhizo Kids...again. I was extremely tired due to Asher :) and overly emotional and missing my sweet little Ian. THEN...I met the new family who attended our conference this year from Australia with their 5 month old little girl who is effected by RCDP and remembered why it is so important to continue our work with Rhizo Kids. The family was so overwhelmed and discouraged when they arrived to the conference but they left today with a renewed energy and love in their hearts as they fell in love with our Rhizo Kids family. We ARE NOT just an organization but a "family" bonded together by a disorder that has affected each of us in one way or another.

As I sat at the conference I thought and thought about how this is what I do to show Ian I love him. There are many things you are able to do for your children on a daily basis. You are able to attend school parties, help with their school activities, give them birthday parties, etc. The grandparents are able to attend their grandchildren's tball games, high school graduations and weddings and support their grandchildren in that way. Well...there aren't many things I can do now for my little Ian. As we all know he is in Heaven so I can't run him up to tball practice or throw him a swimming party with his friends. I would give anything to be able to do things to show Ian I loved him but I can't. His grandparents aren't able to attend school functions to show Ian how much they care and they aren't able to have slumber parties anymore with their little man. BUT...we can show our love for Ian through Rhizo Kids. This is all I can do now for Ian and Ian's legacy and I will not give up the fight for our cure!!

Our family and friends did so much this weekend to show thier love for Ian. They drove the boat, let us borrow their boats, cut up fruit, cooked and cleaned, brought breakfast meals, brought drinks and snacks, brought ice, helped take care of healthy kids and Rhizo Kids, and even gave me a surprise baby shower for Asher. I could never let you know what it means that we have friends and family willing to give up their whole weekend to help us out with this conference. Your kindness does not go unnoticed and your help says to me "We love Ian...we haven't forgotten Ian...and this is how we are supporting him and his memory." Thank you for selflessly donating your time and energy to Rhizo Kids.

News from conference...there is a drug used in The Netherlands called Batylalcohol. They have used this drug for years and there is some improvements noticed in the children. It is not a cure but a treatment. We have asked the doctor who coordinates this for those families if we can join her trial and we are VERY HOPEFUL that we will start this soon for our kids. It will be costly to fund this for all the Rhizo Kids but we will work our best to raise funds for this treatment. Praying this works out and our kids are able to start the treatment.

I will post pics soon after I edit them. Going to rest now. I am simply exhausted!!!

Asher's Nursery

My cousin who is an interior decorator came this week with her husband and transformed the front bedroom in my house formerly known as "Ian's Room" then it was "The Craft Room" and finally, finally it is "Asher's Room!" This nursery couldn't be any more perfect. It is everything I have dreamed of for our sweet and healthy little boys. Words cannot express how awesome I think it is...

Asher...he is a busy bee these days. He wiggles and kicks all day. He has a pretty good schedule now. I usually feel him during lunch and then he naps and I feel him after school and then he naps and then he usually wiggles all night long. A night owl??? I think so!

I can't tell you how many times this week I've heard..."Wow, you're really blossoming!" Well yes I sure am. I have exploded into a fat cow!!! I'm kind of scared to be weighed at the doctor tomorrow because I'm afraid it will be B-A-D!!! Oh well...

As things are nearing Asher's arrival I find myself worrying about Ian. I know he is perfect! I just continually say to myself..."We're not replacing you Ian. We're simply adding to our family. You will NEVER be replaced my sweet and perfect Ian." I hate feeling like I am replacing Ian. I'm taking his pictures out of frames and putting Asher's sonogram pictures in and I am taking his pictures out for the frame to be ready for Asher. I remind myself this is simply a normal action taken by all parents preparing for another child.

I also keep getting the question..."Is this your first child?" What a hard one!!! No it's not my first pregnancy and no it's not my first child. But do I really have the strength to explain this situation to you right now??? Yes...I do!!! Ian is my child...he was my first pregnancy...and that simply can't be ignored. "Well how old is your first child?" Well...can I explain that one? He's two...no wait he's 3 1/2. No wait...he's really 23 months and 3 weeks! Geez...let's just drop that one and say "He's 2 but he lives with Jesus now!" (Awkardness inserted here)

Well...this tired momma' is going to bed. Enjoy the nursery pictures and I sure hope you love it as much as I do :)

Perfect and Beautiful

Last Friday we went for an ultrasound to check on our sweet little Asher's heart. The news we received was for greater than we could have imagined hearing. From the beginning to the end of the ultrasound the doctor talked about how beautiful and perfect everything was about our little boy. "Wow...he has long legs!!!" "And look at this perfect heart he has. You see this...." "And look at this brain...this looks like a very smart brain right here." Aahhh...music to our ears.

At one point Wae exhaled and said "Whew...are you sure you're talking to the right people here??? We're not used to getting good health reports." The doctor obviously gave his condolences about Ian and proceded to tell us how perfect our little Asher would be. What an answered prayer and a blessing from our holy and almighty Heavenly Father!!!

We were able to have a sneak peek in 4D. He only weighs 11 ounces right now so it was mainly skeletal but I could tell he is gonna be a cutie :) He really did have very long legs and the sweetest little feet just a kicking away at me. He waved at us and his fingers were so long and precious!!! The doctor counted his fingers, checked his kidneys and so on and so on. We saw more of this little baby than I ever dreamed of seeing. I have to see I have been 100% overly impressed with UAB hospital!!! This is where we have went for the specialist ultrasounds and tests and every person we have come in contact has been overly nice. That goes so far when you have been through what we experienced.

Tornadoes...this past week our state went through a horrible devastation. It started early Wednesday morning and lasted throughout the day and the effects will be felt for months if not years. My college home of Tuscaloosa was destroyed and many lives were lost. A sweet college friend's family lost everything...their home, their barn, etc. And just a couple of miles from our house homes were demolished and lives turned upside down. Hundreds of lives were lost, so many were injured, and countless homes were destroyed. There are no words to describe the devastation you see in our state. Our county has been out of power since the storm and the estimate is 7-14 days wtihout power. However, you can't help to be thankful to have a home that has no power when you look around and see all the homes that are now simply a pile of rubble. Prayers for the victims of this disaster and for all the men and women working so diligently to restore what has been lost from these storms!!! Please pray for our state!!!