Sunday, September 12, 2010

The season of grief...

When God created the world he specifically created it with four seasons in every year. As the world goes round and life continues to exist we will be faced with each season every year. This is a simple fact. It is a fact I have tried to avoid since last fall when our sweet little Ian flew to the arms of Jesus. My grieving heart has wanted to avoid the season of fall as I was all too aware of the emotions it would bring to me. It is a fact that the season of fall is upon us now. The season of fall, which used to be my favorite season of the year, has crept back into my life with the very vivid and heartwrenching memories of Ian's last days with his mommy and daddy on earth. The late afternoon coolness reminds me daily of our golf-cart rides together. The early morning crispness reminds me of me walking outside with Ian holding him and singing amazing grace. The weekend football games remind me of his first auburn football game we took him to in Auburn with his MimE and PapE and his girlfriend Ella Kathryn. I actually tend to forget as I watch football that Ian isn't just at his Pops and Nonnie's house watching the game like he did many weekends. I easily think he is coming home to me after the game is over and then I am jolted back to the reality of my life...he is with Jesus.

Needless to say...the days are hard right now. In less than a month it will be the one year anniversary of the worst day of my life. It will be the anniversary of the day a large portion of my heart was carried to heaven with my one and only child. It is the anniversary of the day my world was turned upside down and inside out. The day when I started living life in "the club" with grieving parents. The day I ceased to care about many mundane things in this world. It will be the day I will remember as the worst day of my life forever.

On a better note...I am still loving my job. I am thankful God placed me at a school with loving and caring teachers and administration. I am thankful for the thoughtful and caring parents of the children in my class. I am thankful for my very own Junie B. Jones who tells me 10 times a day "I just love you Ms.Mary" I am thankful to have a job I love where I can pour my heart and soul into it and see the appreciation on 20 sweet little faces. I am thankful to feel loved by 20 children even though I can't feel the love from my sweet Ian anymore.

The next few weeks are going to be incredibly hard for our family. I am asking you to flood the gates of heaven with prayers for strength and understanding. I am asking for prayers of peace in a time of such turmoil.