Tuesday, October 6, 2015
A new season...AGAIN!
It's been too long...it seems like a different lifetime when we were updating last. We had to make our blog private due to our adoption country requests. Long story short...we were expecting a referral any day for Maggie and things changed...AGAIN! The country didn't seem to have any little girls and things just weren't "feeling" like they were right. We changed our country! We moved our adoption journey back to China last January and after months of waiting, our dossier is in China and we are simply waiting for the email with the picture of our sweet Maggie we have prayed so long for! Another new season...I went back to teaching last March. I am teaching Kindergarten and I love it. This wasn't exactly in our plan for our life but it was as if God led the way for me to return to the classroom. I had been praying "Here am I Lord send me" thinking we would be going to another country. Much to my surprise I was called back to my home school where my heart is. After a lot of adjustments in our family we are accustomed to the new life with a working mommy and wife (most days LOL) Friday marks six years since Ian passed away. I knew this year would be a different experience with this grief because I am working now. I can't simply cry the day away and lay in bed or go on an adventure with Asher. I was praying on the way to school "Lord I hear of people "seeing" their loved ones or having visions. I want this Lord. Please let me see my sweet Ian or just give me a glimpse of what his days are like. Please give me open eyes and ears to hear You speak to me Lord. I'm looking!" Asher immediately said "I miss my bubba mommy!" He says this a lot even though they never met here on this earth as brothers. I wanted to become sad at this but it was as if God filled me with words to comfort our child. "Asher Ian is so happy! He won...you know how we are singing and praising God in our car? Well, Ian is getting to do this EVERY day with God! He is actually singing to God right now!!!" Asher responded with "I want to do that mommy!" I then led into telling my sweet four year old that if he believes in Jesus and asks him to live in his heart that one day he too will be singing praises to our Lord. There was my first glimpse today of what Ian is doing :) Next Asher says "I'm so happy God healed Ian!" I respond with "Me too buddy. Your brother can run and jump now. He can see with clear eyes and hear better than we can. He can even eat chocolate cake!" (all of this had to be explained of course that Ian couldn't do any of this. This just devastated Asher that he couldn't see or eat, etc.) Asher said "I bet he eats chocolate cake all day in Heaven!" :) I don't know if that's right but there was my second glimpse of Ian. Then it was if God said plain as day to me..."Mary, Asher is your glimpse of your healthy Ian! The way Asher runs, and plays...the way he tells an animated story...the way he has JOY in his heart...the sparkle in eyes. The pure sweetness that oozes from Asher as he says "Mommy you are still my best friend" Ian has all of this now! AND MORE!!!" It was as if God just showed me to look at Asher and that gives me a glimpse...a very small glimpse of what my sweet little boy is doing in Heaven. He is just doing it without any tears or sadness or sickness. He won the battle...I need to always remember Ian won! After all of this conversation Asher's favorite song "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me" came on. He said turn it up mommy I want to praise God like my bubba!!! He began singing so loud!!! It was as if God said "Look in your rearview mirror Mary and you can see a glimpse of what Ian is doing right now!" As I watched my sweet four your old sing his little heart out I was so thankful for the visual God gave me today to comfort my heart...Ian is fine! He's happy, healthy, and whole. Our hearts still ache for him to be in our arms but I know that I know that I know that my little Ian is perfect now. Just perfect!