I did it...

Good evening! I am still trying to figure out this blog thing and I think many of you are too. Some people aren't able to get the updates through email and that is because you didn't subscribe right. You can look back at the old posts and read the one about subscribing. You have to click the link on the email that is sent to you in order to verify the subscription.Also...I think people are having a hard time posting comments. Is this right??? There are very few comments left and I am thinking maybe it's because people don't know how to leave a comment. Just a thought...

I did it today and I did it last week. Do you know what I did??? I spoke at my uncle's church last week and today I spoke at our church. Whew...I can't believe I did it. I was a nervous wreck each time and it was very draining but I did it. YAY me : ) I hope I am doing what God wants me to do and that I'm not totally missing this. I really feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing so maybe just maybe one person felt encouraged.

I don't have very much planned this week. I am keeping Ella Kathryn Monday just because I want to. Jack and Misty are coming over to play so I'm sure we will have a fun morning. We will play with a lot of babies I'm sure and I'm betting we will play with play-doh all afternoon. Tuesday will be a day of pampering while I get my hair colored. Finally...it seems like it's been forever and it looks like it for sure. Doesn't it just make you feel better to have your hair done??? It does me for sure! I am also meeting with a friend who is in college and is going to write a paper about our little boy. I love it when people do this and share about RCDP and Ian all at the same time. Wednesday is the day for Bible study so I'll be going to church and digging deeper into the book of Ruth. I need to be getting busy on that reading. Uh-oh... As for the rest of week...well let's just say we'll play that by ear. : )

I hope you all have a great week and I'll try to update later.....

I included another picture of Ian today just because I love him and I miss him more than you can imagine.

Reassurance Anyone???

Good afternoon! I know I haven't updated in a few days but I have been extremely busy. I have been working every day as a substitute for a friend and trying to prepare things for this Sunday when I will be speaking at our church. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off yesterday afternoon trying to catch up on laundry while at the same time I was trying to make a slideshow movie for Sunday. I called my best friend and said..."Give me some tips girl! How do you work and get it all done?!?" I have forgotten how to manage my time I guess. You better believe the bed isn't made, the clothes are washed and dried and folded in the living room, and the oreos are still out from last night. With all that being said I've got a story for ya'.....

I have fallen in love with this class I am working with. They are in first grade so they are still innocent enough. I was doing their "fresh" read test with them today and they all did the same thing. They read a story to me each individually at my table during reading centers. I timed them for one minute then I graded them on their reading. I had to count the number of words they read and then count off for how many they read wrong. So you know it took me a few seconds to get my bearings and count the exact number they read. Each and every one of them said the same thing to me as I was counting. "Ms.Mary, Ms.Mary....did I do good? Huh, was that good? Are you proud of me? Can I get a reward for doing good Ms.Mary? Hey Ms.Mary was it good, was it good?" After a while I started laughing and the kids obviously didn't know why I was laughing, but I quickly saw the comparison here with how we do God. We are so quick to need some reassurance from Him aren't we? "Hey God...are you up there? Did you see what I just did? Was it good enough for ya'? Are you going to reward me for that God? Hey God....did you hear me? Did I do good...did I do good???"

Maybe you don't need any reassurance from God but man I feel like I do lately. My thoughts are more along the lines of "Hey God where is my reward? Haven't I been doing what you wanted?" Like the kids instantly wanted some candy for their good reading I am instantly wanting something from God too. So desperately I am wanting the "reward" of a healthy child and I don't get why I can't get that "prize" from him I need so badly. Then I stop myself in my own thoughts and think....Gosh Mary you are so childlike!!! You know I get so upset with the kids at school sometimes because they "expect" a reward. They "expect" candy or some type of treat as soon as they do something good or right. I say to them..."Can't you just do something good without expecting something in return?" Oh me....hold up girlfriend!!! I do the same thing with God! Don't you??? I EXPECT a prize or a big ole' pat on the back from God when I do something good and aren't we supposed to just want to do the right things??? Shouldn't we simply WANT to be a good witness for God without expecting him to reward us?

It would be nice to hear a very loud voice from God though wouldn't it? I mean like now...not later. You know..."Mary...I'm here! I do see what you are doing and I'm proud of you! Keep it up my dear daughter and soon enough, soon enough..."

Well, I better go get to reading Ruth. Bible study is in a couple of hours and I'm still not finished with my reading.

Forehead Labels...

Good morning or really good afternoon everyone! It is Saturday and yes I am still in my PJ's and being so lazy and enjoying every minute of it. We are going to Colin's basketball game at 3:00 so nothing until then means laziness for us. Yipee!!!

I have been trying to get back to life as it was before Ian. I can hardly remember what life was like then. I have been trying to cook for Wae and get things back in order around our house. I neglected everything while Ian was with us and it shows. We had steaks for dinner last night and I even cooked a cake. (Yes...it was the death by chocolate and yes I am about to eat another piece.) I even woke up and made homemade biscuits and gravy and sausage and eggs. Wae was like "What is this all about?" Ha...I simply said that I thought his wife was coming back around...finally! It does feel good to be catching a glimpse of the old Mary who enjoyed cooking and doing things around the house. I am enjoying doing more than just laying on the couch.

I have actually been doing a lot. I am speaking in Springville tomorrow at Springville First Baptist church and I have been trying to organize my thoughts for my message. I will be speaking about the sanctity of human life and sharing our story through the message. I also made a power point movie like thing of Ian (with the help of a nice man from church) I am very nervous but I am believing God will speak through me even though I am so not qualified to do this. Did you hear me??? SOOOO not qualified for this new path!!!

I taught at CES yesterday (the school I worked at before Ian) and it turns out I'll be there all next week. I'll be working for a friend who needs me for the whole week so I'll be a pretend first grade teacher again. Yippee!!! They are so innocent at that age and I really have started loving this age group. They all recognize me now that I've been subbing and it's sweet when they are happy to see me.

I've been digging even deeper into my study of Ruth. By the way...Wae said to me "Wow...you were really preaching on your blog today!" I said ..."Yea...did you read it? It had a good point." He said..."Nah...it was too long!" So...for those of you who thought it was too long sorry for the preaching. I was trying to make a point though I promise. : )

Well in Ruth today they are all calling her "The Foreigner" You know because she has come back to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law from Moab. It sparked a thought in me. What do you think it would be like if we all had forehead labels with words describing ourselves? Maybe they would describe our mood for the day so people would know how to talk to us that day or it would describe situations we are going through so people could tip toe around us if needed. For example...my forehead label could be "My kid died 3 1/2 months ago" or "Touchy with your comments" or "Caution...may bite your head off" Maybe someone else's would say..."I have no hair because I have cancer" or "Just found out I have 6 months to live" or "Lost my job" or "Getting divorced" or "Husband is cheating on me" or "My 16 year old is pregnant." I can't decide. Would it be good or bad to have these forehead labels? I think for me it would be good because I get so tired of the question from strangers..."Do you have any children?" Well, I usually lie and say no to spare them from hearing my sap story. But if it's the day when the forehead label reads "caution...may bite your head off" I say "Yes I am a mother of a two year old who lives with Jesus." It would be easier a lot of times if we could walk around with every emotion and situation tattooed to our foreheads so idiots (excuse me for the word) wouldn't ask stupid questions. Just remember...almost everyone in your life is going through something and a lot of these things are hard. You may meet someone and have no clue they are having trouble in their marriage. We all need to remember to try to be nice to everyone because we never know what is going on in their own little world. I know "Nice" is such a puny word but really it means a lot. Just be nice and not selfish and try to think about others.

I appreciate you all and I hope you try to pay more attention to those "forehead labels" that are hiding underneath.

Talk to you soon.............................

Oh yea...added a cute pic of Ian today to remind you to count your blessings.

It's Possible to Cry and Walk...

I am in a women's bible study at church on Wednesday night. We decided to go a different route for our Spring bible study and we are doing someone other than Beth Moore. WOW...I honestly didn't know anyone other than Beth Moore was good. Ha...you all know how much I love Beth. We are doing a bible study on Ruth by Kelly Minter. I've never heard of her, but so far I really like her. It is a great bible study.

This week we read through chapter 1 in Ruth and it was really slow. We learned that Ruth, her husband, and her two sons left Bethlehem and went to Moab. Moab was a land God had commanded his children not to be in relationship with. They went though to escape the famine in Bethlehem. So...here they go to a land that is not at the top of the list. When they are there the two sons get married and they marry two Moabites. (Remember Moabites aren't really at the top of the list with God here. The reason is because of their rejection of Him. Not racism....rejections of Him.) So...I think it's safe to say that these daughters-in-law aren't something to be real proud of??? Just a thought of mine. Well...the father dies and the two sons die. Now Naomi is left in this place God has commanded his children not to go with two of "their" people. She wanted to go home to Bethlehem. She packed her things and headed out. The two daughters-in-law wouldn't let her go without them. They went too and Naomi wasn't happy about this. She finally talked Orpah into going back to Moab but Ruth wasn't leaving Naomi for anything. So...onward they go to Bethlehem.

With all of this being said I am going to tell you verse 14 in Ruth. This is right when Orpah has decided to turn back and go back to Moab. "Again they cried openly. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law good-bye; but Ruth embraced her and held on." This is where I'm going today guys....the author of our study said this was one of her favorite verses in the bible. I really didn't see why just to be honest but as I read her reasoning I began to understand. She said it reminded her that although there will be weeping in this life, the direction in which we weep is what truly matters. WOW! Did you hear that? The direction in which we weep is what truly matters. Orpah turned and walked backwards into the land that did not serve the one true God. Stay with me here....she wept going backwards! However, Ruth wept going forwards as she was going with Naomi into Bethlehem where they served our God. You see...Naomi and the girls could have all just wept. Just sat down and thrown themselves a big ole' pity party in Moab because all the men had died. But they didn't. Naomi packed up and was determined to go back to her land and serve the God she loved. Orpah couldn't stay the longhaul but Ruth did. She walked forward into new territory instead of going back the easy route.

This is kind of where I feel like I am in life right now. I would really like to just sit...and lay...and weep...and wallow...and feel sorry for myself. However, I am determined to cry and walk. I am still devastated over losing Ian and I do still cry all the time. I still have every day reminders that knock the breath out of me when I see them. For instance, his wash cloth in my laundry basket yesterday. I mean really...where did that come from??? It did strike up a moment of "I'm just going to give up. I'm ready to quit and wallow in my own self-pity." But I didn't! In this bible study there is something the author said that I love..."Be encouraged. God sees your tears. Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you. It's possible to cry and walk." Wow...did you really read that? If not go back and read it again. It is awesome!!! You can cry and walk at the same time!!! I challenge you today to write this on a piece of paper and post it somewhere you can read it many times a day. We are all going through something that is trying to bring us down. Some things may be smaller than other things. Maybe it is work dragging you down, maybe your family has had the flu and sickness after sickness and it is just wearing you down, maybe you lost a loved one like we did, or maybe you are just in the pit right now. This quote will remind you to Be encouraged! Keep going...yes you can be upset and cry but this is NOT going to stop you. You can cry and walk girlfriend! Do it!!!

Now...please do what I said. Go get that paper and pen and write this quote down so you can read it over and over and you'll never forget that you can cry and walk. It's possible I know because I'm doing it...........................

Subscription to Ian's Reason...

Ok...two updates in one day.

I told you all that I was new to the blogging world and that I didn't have a clue as to what I am doing. Well...Wae called and said "I can't become a follower because I don't have Yahoo, Goggle, or twitter. Mary I have TDS email and almost everyone in Centre does. This can't be right." Well...I contacted the expert Jenifer Parris who created my blog and she set me straight. : )

In order to subscribe to receive updates from Ian's Reason do this: Scroll down the page and look on the left side of the page. It will say "Subscribe to my blog". All you have to do is put your email address in that blank there and press subscribe. You can use TDS email here Wae. YAY.... : ) Then you will have to type in those funky letters like websites make you. It will send you a message to your email account. You HAVE to check that message and click on that link they send you. Once you click on the link they send you then you are a subscriber to Ian's Reason and you will receive updates. If you do not click on that link they send you you will NOT be a subscriber to Ian's Reason and you will NOT receive updates. Oops....the follower thing was wrong. But if you become a follower we'll all just be able to know you are a follower. Just a bonus I guess.

Ok now...try this please. Sorry for the mix up!

Beginning a new journey....

Well...I'm here! I'm doing it finally. I am beginning a new journey in this voyage we call life. I am going to move from updating Caringbridge to having a blog for our new family.

I will do a short introduction for those of you who do not know "our story." My husband Wae and I had a baby boy who we expected to be healthy. However, he was born with many health problems and given a life expectancy of 9 months. The expectations given from the doctors were very low. They told our family Ian would never smile, cough, giggle, sneeze, take a bottle, sit, stand, crawl, or walk. They told us Ian was deaf and blind and that he was going to be in incredible pain his entire life. They told us to put our little boy in a home because he would be too much for us to take care of. WOW! What a way to welcome our new little bundle of joy. We were crushed and perplexed. Ian stayed in the NICU for 3 weeks and then we brought our precious angel home to love. We loved Ian all day every day we had him and we did many things to make his life the best we could. We took him to doctor after doctor and he had therapy session after therapy session. And yes....he didn't learn to sit up, crawl, or walk but our little miracle did so much more!!! He could smile and melt your heart and his giggle instantly made you putty in his hands. His eyes sparkled with love and I have to be honest with you...those eyes of his made me believe he was here on a mission from God. There was more to Ian than just being a disabled child. There was just something about him....

In June 2009 Ian had a very bad doctor's appointment with his cardiologist. He told us we had six months left with Ian and he encouraged us to start hospice again. He was a doctor I admired and I trusted his every thought about Ian. So....here we go! We started hospice AGAIN and we started living life like we did when Ian was first born. Scared all day every day that it was going to be his last day here on Earth with us. The first week of October Ian got really sick and we knew it was his time to go play with Jesus. He was very sick for one week. We watched our little boy suffer in front of our very eyes and we experienced emotions that week no family should have to experience. We watched our only child leave us for Jesus and it was hard....very hard! On October 9, 2009 as Ian and I laid on the couch he left. He finally had the strength to run to Jesus' open arms and go to his new home in Glory. Praise God he is now healed and he will know no more pain!

So...with all this being said this is where "Ian's Reason" came from. I do not want my little boy's suffering to be in vain. I want to share with the world how you can survive your worst nightmare and come out on top. Our faith in Jesus Christ has carried us through our journey from day one and I am certain He will carry us the rest of the way. We still have days that are unbearable but we make it through each and every day. Please become a follower of Ian's Reason and join the journey our family is now on. Our journey in life is traveling a new path now and we are focusing on surviving each day the best we know how.

All you have to do is look on the right side of this webpage and scroll to the bottom. Look for the section that says "followers" and you can sign up there to get emails and updates when I update this site. I will no longer update caringbridge and this will be our blog. Our blog where hopefully we can share happy news about starting a new family or getting a new job and moving forward in this "new" life we have. So...go ahead and sign up and I'll update again as soon as I can.

I am new to this too so please be patient with me. I think you can enter comments on here just like you did on caringbridge. Give it a try anyways..... : ) Oh me....the messes I get myself into it!

Here goes...starting the journey I feel I am being led into and I am going in blind with no clue as to what I am doing. Trusting in God here....