Friday, May 7, 2010

Once a mother always a mother???

In two days we will be celebrating mothers around the world for Mother's Day. Moms will be getting flowers, candy, gifts, and hugs and kisses. It is the day that is actually set aside to honor mothers. For the past two years I was involved in those celebrations as well. This year though on Mother's Day I no longer have a child in my arms. I knew the joy of being of a mom and it was a dream come true. However, it was also a dream that resulted in being shattered to a million pieces.

So my question for you today is...If you were a mother and the child dies are you still a mom? If you were a mother of 3 and 1 child died are you still a mother of 3 or do you say you're a mother of 2? If you were a mother and you are left to live here without your child do you celebrate mother's day even though your arms are empty? I know what your answer will be...without even thinking you are saying to yourself..."Of course you are still a mom Mary!" But really think about it and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. You carried your child, you birthed your child, you raised your child the best you could and then the child died. You were left with no you consider yourself a mom still??? We are left with a hole in our hearts and a hole in our lives because our child is no longer with us. It is an emptiness that will never go away and a pain that will never cease. I pray with all I have the pain dulls in time, but I am certain it will never completely disappear.

Mother's Day...a day I used to treasure has turned into a day I wished didn't exist. It has opened up my wound that was healing and made the pain fresh again. I feel the pain of Ian dying at this holiday more intense than the week he actually passed. I see mothers being honored and I want to crumble to the ground screaming..."Why...Why...Why...I was a mother and it was taken away from me. Why??? How can that happen??? It should be against all rules of nature!"

Everywhere you turn there are reminders of mother's day...commercials, chain status updates on facebook, chain emails about mothers, contest on shows honoring the best mothers, cards at wal-mart, balloons everywhere, and even a celebratory dinner at chick-fil-a when I was at the mall(tablecloths and even a professional photographer)It is a holiday in which you cannot escape.You cannot hide in your home and escape it because it is inevitable that something will be on the TV about it. You can't go to church and escape it because all mothers will be honored on that day and you guessed it...BUT I'm not a mom anymore! It is a fact of life that every year in May I will be ripped apart because of this holiday. I pray in future years I will be a mom of healthy children on this holiday but as of now God has not chosen that path for our lives.

I have a request this year on Mother's Day. If you are a mom and you have children here to celebrate this day with you embrace this day with all your heart and love those chidren the way they deserve to be loved. Make the hugs last a little longer and let the kisses be abundant. Let the sound of their innocent child-like voices warm your heart and love them without holding back. Think about the moms around the world who are here and their chidren have died and they were left with one less child or like myself they were left with no children at all. Think about that Sunday morning when your children bring you breakfast in bed and think about that when they want you to play outside with them. Cherish every moment for me because I would give anything to be in your shoes with a house full of kids running wild and making tons of messes!



  1. I cant imagine how difficult this day will be for you and I think we all try and support or encourage you and yet we say the wrong things or dont know what to say at all. I will be praying that God will comfort you and guard your heart. I cannot imagine the pain you feel and how bad you miss sweet Ian. I am so sorry for your loss, Mary.

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  3. es you will always be a mom your ARE and will ALWAYS be Ian's mom!!!! Nobody can take that title from you.. Your precious angel is in heaven celebrating what a wonderful mother God blessed him with while he was on earth. I can't imagine what you are going through my heart aches for you!!!! I do know that while Ian was here on earth you were the best mother you could be I know while he's in heaven and you're here your still a great mother!!! You are helping others through Ian disease! people that don't know you are touched by a child we/I never met!!! I think you are a fantastic mother! You were hand picked by God to raise your special little boy he was/is a blessing to you and you him. You will be Ian's mommy forever and ever and you will see Ian again... Wish I could say or do something to ease your pain I pray for you often.. I am so happy I found you on caringbridge and I appreciate you sharing your faith your precious babe and your feelings Thank you for blessing me!!!! Happy Mother's Day Mary!!!!

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  5. Mary sweet, sweet, Mary. You are as much if not more of a mother than any of us that still have our children living on this earth. You share in the same ultimate sacrifice that Mary the mother of Jesus shared in. You carried, birthed,LOVED more than life itself, and took care of your son and in the end you gave him back to God realizing that all of our children are on loan to us some just longer than others. My prayer for you this Mother's Day is that you above all of us "CELEBRATE" and know that Ian is in heaven with Jesus reminding him what a very special mom he had here on earth.

  6. You are in my prayers this week. Mother's Day is very difficult for many of us. (((Hugs))) You are still a Mom. You are the Mom of a Heavenly little boy who has been wholy dedicated to the Lord. Your heart is in pieces and God's grace will slowly fill the cracks. I am sending you lots of love.

  7. Mary and Wae,

    I am so sorry for the pain you both will experience during your first Mother's and Father's day without Ian. I know I cannot understand, but I will be praying for you both. As for your question of whether or not you are still a mother, I immediately thought of this bible fact. It may be out of left field, but I hope it helps. At the beginning of the book of Job, the author lists all the belongings of Job that he is about to lose. He has 500 teams of oxen, 3000 camels, and so on. He has 10 children. At the end of the book it explains that God has DOUBLED everything Job lost in his trial. He now has 1000 teams of oxen, 6000 camels, etc. Common sense says he would recieve 20 children, right? No. Job recieves only ten more children. Why? Even though they are in heaven, Job is still the father of the first ten. Therefore, God only has to add 10 new children to make twenty. I hope God adds to you as well, when the time is right. Until then, know you are a wonderful mother, that inspires many of us to be better mothers. Thank you for letting God use you, even in the midst of deep grief. Love and prayers.

    Heather Owens

  8. Mary,
    I just have to say THANK YOU! Thanks for stopping me in my shoes for a moment to remind me of the true meaning of this day...I found myself caught up once again in the hustle and bustle of the day and forgetting the true kids. You have been such an inspriration to me through all of this. I can not even start to imagine your pain...but I pray God and Ian wrap their loving arms around you this weekend. YOU ARE ONE AWESOME MOM!!!
    Love and Prayers, Tangie

  9. Consider it done Mary. I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day. Praying for God to bless you, yet again with many special Mother's Days.

  10. Oh how I will pray that you will be surrounded by wonderful comforting memories of your precious Ian on Mother's Day this year and all others! You are definately still a mother! Your son is in Heaven and your arms may be empty but your heart is still full of him. With many prayers,
    Joy Wheeler

  11. You ARE a Mother & always will be! If your church does as mine does and asks the Moms to stand tomorrow, you stand tall and proud!!!!! I have a friend who birthed 4 children and only 3 are living, she is a Mom of 4, always will be. She just has a child who lives in Heaven, her name is Karlee Love. I bet Ian and Karlee are sweethearts in Heaven.

  12. I'm thinking of you this morning, Mary. I love Heather's explanation from Job. You are most definitely still a mother! I am a mother of 4 small children and reading your blog makes realize what a tremendous blessing my children are to me.
    I think you should watch for a special message from Ian today. It may be a butterfly landing nearby you, a rainbow in the sky, or just a feeling of his presence. I'm sure he'll send you a sign that he is happy and free and still loves you very much. May God send you the peace that passes all understanding on your first Mother's Day without Ethan in your arms.

  13. Thinking of you this morning. Happy Mothers Day to the best MOM! Prayers are being sent your way. I love the picture where Ian is looking up at you.. He has that look on his face like.. YEAH my mommy ROCKS!

    From one mom to another.. I hope and pray I am just half the mother you are girl!

    Andrea Harrell