Saturday, April 7, 2012

Gratitude journal full of happy moments...

When I used to update caringbridge for Ian I talked one day about happy moments and a gratitude journal. I have read through my CB book and found that entry because recently I stumbled upon my gratitude journal and was so happy to remember these happy moments I had recorded. I wanted to read what my thoughts were then on recording "happy moments." I said that day..." Now I realize that if I write down my daily "happy moments" it is refreshing to read back over them. It helps me to focus on the good in each day instead of the bad moments of each day. It makes me appreciate life and all of my blessings each day." Wow...I can't believe this was my focus as I was watching Ian suffer. If you don't believe in God right there is evidence to me that He is real. He was living through me and showing me how to be positive and as I read back over these happy moments it is clear that He was at the center of it all!!!

Some happy moments I recorded during Ian's life...
1. "Feeling" Ian say I love you today
2. The mommy Ian has taught me to be
3. My happy moment today was Ian's sweet cheeks, his crazy hair, his two snaggle teeth, his crossed legs b/c that's just Ian, his glare at me, his love for swinging outside
4. I am happy Ian let me have a quiet time with God today and he let me exercise :)
5. I am happy today because Wae got Ian a puppy Miley (ummm...this may have turned into a nightmare LOL)
6. My happy moments today is the best in forever...Wae and I got our genetic testing results back. We don't both carry RCDP and we can have healthy children!!!
7. My happy moment today was BIG...Ian's superman party. (this turned out to be his last big birthday party)
8. My happy moment tonight is that Ian is breathing right now in his bed beside our bed.
9. Almost every day a happy moment was to be thankful for both sets of grandparents who loved Ian and helped all they could. Couldn't have asked for two better sets of grandparents.

And then I read on through the days after Ian passed away. I was still recording happy moments. How could that be?!? Because God never let me fall out of the palm of His hand. He carried me the whole way through the grieving process and still helped me to find happy moments in the midst of the storm.
Some happy moments I recorded after Ian's life...
1. I am happy today because Amanda and Deanna asked me to help with pottery. I have something to do now!!!
2. Happiness today came in the form of Ella Kathryn. I got to get her from daycare and come home and play.
3. A smile came to my face today when I understood that Ian is really healed now and is in his Heavenly Father's arms.

And happy moments now?!? There are so many I don't think my gratitude journal could hold them all. God's grace is so abundant in our lives. He chose to bless us beyond all our wildest dreams. We aren't worthy...we questioned Him at times, we ran from Him at times, we chose to turn our backs on somedays. But do you know what he did. He held us tighter and He never gave up on us. He showed mercy on us and blessed us beyond belief.

Some happy moments from life now...
1. My salvation....tomorrow is Easter and all I can think about is that Christ willingly suffered and died on the cross for me. My sins are forgiven and I have been set free. Thank you Jesus for saving me, for loving me, and for not giving up on me!!!
2. ASHER!!!!!!!!! He can sit up, he can smile, he can laugh, he can see a puff on the table pick that puff up and feed himself that puff!!!! He dances when I walk into the room. He reaches for me to hold him. He loves his daddy!!! He can hold a sippy cup. He's smart as a whip. His legs aren't crossed because of RCDP. He can hear me, see me, touch me. He wraps his arms around my neck. He has a fake laugh...hilarious. He squinches up his nose...precious! He fiddles with my hair to go to sleep sometimes. He sleeps snuggled with me because he loves me so. He can sit up in the bathtub. He plays in the bathtub. We HAVE to buy bath toys. We HAVE to babyproof the house. He loves to shop. He loves the nursery at church. He loves everybody (except some men LOL) He watches me walk through a room then cries when he can't see me (hehehehe) He rolls everywhere. He won't be still enough for me to change his diaper. The list goes on and on and on.
3. I am thankful for Wae. He works so hard so I can stay home with Asher. He is such a good daddy and Asher is obsessed with him.
4. I am happy all day every day because I'm not having to go to work at 6:30 am. I am able to be home with Asher and I know that's where I'm supposed to be.

There's just so much y'all. We have the best families you could ever imagine. Grandparents who love Asher with all their hearts. They beg to keep him and always want me to have something to do so they can see him. Aunts and uncles and cousins galore with love oozing out of the seams. Friends...they've watched us hurt as their kids grew up without Asher. They didn't leave us as friends when it would have been easier than seeing heartbreak on our faces. They stuck around and loved us and now they too are obsessed with Asher. It's wonderful. This REALLY is a wonderful life!!!!
So today my challenge to you is to stop...take a look around....and find your happy moments. I know your life is full of them too. Let's quit focusing on what's not so happy and try to focus on what is so happy. Try writing it down every day. I promise it will be a blessing to you when you go back through the different stages of your life and see what you were happy for. It does my heart good that even during the tough times God saw fit to help me find some happy moments each day.

If you don't have a church to attend tomorrow for Easter please come visit First Baptist Church in Centre. We would love to have you...I promise!!! We have an early service at 8:30 and regular service at 11:00. We have great Sunday School classes and I"m sure there is one there for you. I hope to see you there!!!!



  1. Thank you Mary for reminding me of something I already knew but seem to forget sometimes! I have followed your blog from the beginning and am so happy for you! Asher is precious!!!

  2. Mary, thank you for sharing with us. As I am leaving Lake Weiss from a great week with my girls and my husband, I am reminded of the many things I have to be thankful for. Asher is soooooo precious!!! I hope you have a wonderful, fun-filled Easter!

  3. I am going to start a gratitude journal. :D I want to push the negative away and focus on the good....the joyful.