I'm Still Here...

I am so sorry it has been so long since I updated Ian's Reason. Life has crept back in on me and I have been extremely busy. Now that I am working it seems as though all I have time for is work and Rhizo Kids. I have been "scolded" a few times by some friends for not updating. It is kind of funny too because they are people I see almost daily yet they want to read Ian's Reason too as if they don't know everything I am doing. So, here goes...

I have been working. A lot...I am trying to make a difference in these kids lives I am seeing but feel so defeated. A lot of kids I work with just simply don't care if they please someone and praise doesn't seem to mean a thing to them. They don't respect adults and many of them have no motivation. I guess that's why I am seeing them though?!? I am trying to motivate with pizza parties, popcorn parties, praise and more praise but nothing seems to work. They will leave my room and punch someone in the face or scream at their teacher. UGH...I am dreaming about my little darlings because they consume a lot of my thoughts now and I just can't make a difference. With time though maybe they'll come around...

Ian's marker at the cemetary came in. It is beautiful. We went last week one night and saw it for the first time and that was a hard day. It is for real now. His marker has pictures on it. There is one of Ian, one of me and Ian, one of Wae and Ian, and a couple of family pictures with the three of us. WOW...it is really our little boy in that deep hole under that marker. No mistaking it now as you sit and look at his picture on the marker at the cemetary. Just not the order in which things are supposed to happen in life. But...they did so we just have to roll with the punches. His pictures look so real on the marker too. It's like you could just reach down and grab him up for a quick snuggle. Oh what I would give for one last snuggle. I'd cut off my right arm just to hold that little boy again.

Tracey Thomas and I are in the middle of planning the 2nd Rhizo Kids conference. You'll never believe it when I tell you but it is going to be in Centre, AL. What do you think the doctors will think about our town? I think they are going to be overwhelmed by the "niceness" of people and the support of our community. We are having the conference at Chesnut Bay Resort and we are having a lot of doctors attend from around the world and families from all over. There are 10 confirmed families so far and about 6 doctors. WOW!!! I am really excited for this conference hoping just maybe they will have a treatment for the kids. It is hard to plan this without Ian here as my motivation for a cure but there are other kids suffering from RCDP who still need a cure so we must continue the fight. We are going to need some help from people in Centre who are willing. The conference is towards the end of June. I think it starts June 24th. It starts on a Thursday and everyone leaves on that Sunday. I need people to donate drinks for the conference. We could use all types of canned drinks, bottled water, capri suns, etc. If you have some extra money one day and you are shopping it would be awesome if you bought some drinks for our conference and dropped them off at Cotton States Insurance. (Dad, don't have a heart attack I'll bring them to my house.) We could use some breakfast casseroles to have in the frig at each home for the families, some desserts to snack on at meals and between meals, and quite possibly someone to "sponsor" dinner a couple of nights and bring the food to Chesnut Bay for us. If you would be willing to volunteer a couple of hours to babysit the healthy siblings swimming in the pool or just playing that would be awesome. Tell me a timeframe you are available and I'll sign you up. If you are really brave and wouldn't mind working with the Rhizo Kids for a couple of hours that would be awesome too. Just email me at maryellis96@yahoo.com to volunteer and let me know what you are interested in. I know this is a lot to ask but it is hard to pull this off and I know our community will pitch in to make it a success. Even if you are just able to bring one 12 pack of coke that is a huge help and we will greatly appreciate it.

Well, I must go now. I have to be at work in a few minutes and I not near ready. I will try to do better about updating Ian's Reason. I will have my sweet nephew Owen at the end of this week so I'm sure it won't be then. He is actually going to spend the night with us and I am so excited!!!

There is an opportunity peaking through in my life now about possibly writing a book. A sweet lady from Centre met an editor/writer who co-authors books and we are now in contact. It seems to be a God orchestrated introduction and I am very hopeful this may lead to Ian's story reaching the world which hopefully would result in souls being saved through our faith. Please add this to your prayers as it would be wonderful to have a Christian co-author to share Ian's story through. I am hopeful...

Hope you all have an enjoyable week. It is going to be beautiful and I fully intend on making the best of it...

Another Angel for Heaven...

After my post Tuesday Wae's precious granddaddy left his earthly body behind and entered Heaven with a new and perfect body. He was such a Godly man who made his maker proud and when he entered Heaven I'm sure he heard "Well done my good and faithful servant." I am also sure that one of the first people to greet him in Heaven was his great-grandchild...Ian Andy Ellis. I bet Ian showed Paw Paw around that instant and it is comforting to know that now someone Ian actually knew is with him in Heaven. I must admit though...I am jealous Paw Paw is seeing Ian's Heavenly body before I am. I bet Paw Paw is so in love with him and I'm sure it's awesome for him to see Ian LIVING.










The family will have a hard day today as they say their final good-byes to their husband, daddy, granddaddy, great-granddaddy, brother, friend, etc. Please remember everyone in your prayers and pray for a peace that can come only from our Heavenly Father.




Look at our sweet nephew Colin in this picture. He is looking at me like..."Really Mary, I'm NOT smiling for you AGAIN!"

Well I better go get ready for the day. I have been exercising a lot with a friend and I'm so sore I can hardly stand up off of the couch. It will definitely take me awhile to get ready with all this soreness I've got. So...here goes...

5 months later...

Today at 2:15 in the afternoon it will be exactly 5 months since our little Ian went to LIVE with Jesus. Wow...I can't believe it has been 5 months and I can't believe we are still just moving right along with our lives.

Don't you all miss reading about Ian? I sure miss writing about Ian so today I thought in memory of Ian I would write about what I love so much about Ian. Feel free to post comments about what you loved the most about Ian.



Snuggles...he was THE BEST snuggler in the whole wide world. He might not could see me clearly and he might not could have heard me clearly but dog gone it...he could snuggle me and tell me he loved me in ways no other child could. What an awesome little boy God blessed us with!

I loved so much how I would sit with him on my knee and dip him down and bring him up to my face and I'd say "Momma' loves you!" He would smile every time!



I miss his laughs and smiles. They had to be the cutest and sweetest little laugh and smile God ever created. I'm serious...if you ever witnessed it you knew you were in the presence of a blessing straight from God.

I loved that no matter how "dysmorphic" the doctors thought he looked that when I dressed him to the nines every day that he was the snazziest kid on the block. I miss buying cute little man clothes for our Ian.

I loved it when he would kick me with those little feetsies crossed trying to tell me something..."Get off that computer mom!" "Get off that phone mom" "Quit watching TV mom." He couldn't "speak" but he could tell me what he wanted alright.

I miss 2 am with him. Believe it or not...those were the sweetest times with Ian. He would smile at me with that flirty grin and tell me he loved me with those big blue eyes and it would make everything right in the world.

I miss Rehab Partners with Ian. They loved him and I loved watching him accomplish new things with Ms.Kim. I miss therapy...who would have ever guessed that one?!?

I miss church with Ian. It doesn't feel right to this day to stand in church and sing without Ian on my left hip just a smilin' at the music. Oh how I loved that!

I miss baths with Ian. He loved bathtime and would always kick and play and I miss that.

I miss baby lotion...



I miss brushing his wild and crazy hair just hoping it would lay flat...

I miss bringing his hands together and saying..."Yay Ian...you did it. Yay!!!"

I loved his hand holding my finger!

I loved his personality.

I loved how he could read a person better than I could. He knew if you loved him and he couldn't even see you. How awesome is that?!? Don't you wish we could do that!

I miss bragging on how cute our little Ian was and showing him off to every person I met.

I miss nurse Joan and Dr.Rutland. and I even miss some of the other doctors who really cared about Ian.

But...this morning as I type this Ian is rejoicing at the feet of his Heavenly Father and he has no worries. He knows no pain and he knows no tears. He only has happiness and that's all he will know for eternity. He is playing with other little boys and girls he has met in Heaven and he is LIVING like he never could have on earth. I am so thankful I have faith in Jesus Christ and that I KNOW my little boy lives on in HEAVEN. I feel sorry for those who do not believe in Jesus and don't know him as their personal Savior. The hope of Heaven and eternity with my maker and Ian is the only thing that pushes me to live each day. I can't wait to spend eternity with no pain like Ian and to worship at the feet of my Heavenly Father. How awesome!!! I can only imagine what Ian is doing this morning and I'm sure it's better than what I'm doing.

I know that Ian is checking in on me today as he knows it's a hard day. He is saying..."She is better this month than she was last month and I'm so proud of her." I am better this month on "the 9th" than I have ever been on "the 9th" I am sad that today marks 5 months without the love of my life but I am happy for Ian and that is where my focus will be today.

"Be encouraged. God sees your tears. Cry them, wipe them, feel them but don't let them stop you. It's possible to cry and walk."

I love you all dearly and I appreciate you praying extra hard for our families on days like today. I hope you can find the good in your day even if it seems so hard and bad like mine do somedays. Let's focus only on the good today....

I have a special request this morning...Wae's Paw Paw Rains is really sick and he has been in the hospital for a week. He is 91 and has lived a long and wonderful life. He is battling a lot right now and he could use many prayers for comfort and peace. His family needs to be showered with prayers for strength, comfort, peace, endurance, understanding, etc. These are hard days.

Life Lately...

Hey Y'all!

That greeting definitely gives away just how country I am doesn't it? It's just the way we greet one another around here and I thought I'd approach you as friends tonight. Isn't that little "Superman" the cutest little thing you've ever seen???

It's been awhile since I have updated about Wae and I and what we have been up to so I thought I would simply share the very boring adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Ellis. LOL!

First off...you are all too kind. I have had so many emails after my last blog telling me to get out the pen and paper and get my book started. I walked in a friend's room at school today and she had just read the blog and she was shouting "Hallelujah" and having her very own little revival in her office. She really did stand up and jump up and down and shout "Hallelujah" when I dropped by to say hello. I love having friends to see each day. She is too funny! Love you girl... You all flatter me, but I still am not quiet qualified for a full fledged book. Maybe one day...we'll see where God leads. Shoot...I still don't feel qualified to be a chosen and willing vessel to share God's word but I am doing it. Funny how he supplies what we need isn't it?!?

I am working a lot now and I am loving it. "Loving it" doesn't actually describe just how much I enjoy it. It feels awesome to have a "place" to belong again and being around those kids warms my heart in a way I had forgotten about. Yes, with my job I do see some heartbreaking stories but I also see some kids who love being loved and I love it! I need their love just as much as they need my love and I think it is working really great together. They see me come into their room to get them and jump up and say "Ms.Mary is here. I've got to go." Love them...

Trying to start focusing on me and making myself devote some time to taking care of myself again. I majorly quit taking care of myself when Ian was born and I poured my heart and soul into him. Don't get me wrong...I never want to become as selfish as I was before Ian but I would like to have a little more focus on taking care of me again. It will come...in time. I am dragging a friend into working out with me and next week it's serious time girl! I have got to get it together. You'd think with me telling 500 some odd people on here that I am "getting it together" that I'd actually "get it together" and lose some weight. But...that chocolate cake my best friend made me is in the kitchen and I can actually hear it screaming my name...Hey, the diet doesn't start until next week so you better believe I am going to shut that cake up and eat some. Can anyone relate here??? Does anyone else just not care to devote the time to yourself and better yourself weight wise??? I feel like I am the only person in the world who hates working out and loves eating food and drinking Coke. The real coke...not that fake kind you skinny girls drink. LOL...I need some help in this area!!!

I am having a girl's day tomorrow and going to Cottontail's with my girlfriends. Can't wait...retail shopping and good food all in one day. YAY! We have a birthday party this weekend for my cousin's little boy and there will be a real pony there. I asked my cousin's 3 year old Ansley if I could ride it and she thought I'd be too big. Hahaha... Even though I can't ride the pony it will be a perfect day with family in the gorgeous sun and I can't wait! It's been too long since I've seen my family and it's been even longer since I've seen the sun. Anyone relate to that???

Wae...he is great. He IS working out with a friend of his and is so dedicated. Ugh...proud for him but it makes me sick. Where does the motivation come from? He is working a lot and then crashing when he gets home. What a great man he is! Our release is to watch TV and we are now starting the TV series "The West Wing." We get it from Netflix and it provides hours of entertainment for us. We recently became obsessed wth 24 and watched it from beginning to end. Silly, huh? We have to find something to fill our lonely nights around here. It's hard to have a kid and know the fullness they bring and then to live without one. The aloneness and emptiness is undescribable.

Well, I better go. It's about bedtime at our house. The nights seem to drag on and on these days and I just can't wait until I can go to sleep and not feel bad about what time it says on the clock.

New picture of Ian today...think about this...his legs aren't crossed now, his toes aren't blue, and he is running circles around all those angels he is meeting. I wonder if he gets out of breath from exerting so much energy??? I'm sure he has a lot of energy...

Little Miss Perfect...

Wae and I watched a show on TV last night that I'm sure many of you have watched. It is on WE and it is called "Little Miss Perfect" There were two little girls on there from the area where we live and I went to grad school with one of the moms. Wae was less than thrilled to say the least about watching this pageant on TV, but I had to see what all the hype was about. I AM NOT SAYING I DISAGREE WITH BEAUTY PAGEANTS...STICK WITH ME TO THE END ON THIS ONE : )

These precious little girls were all dolled up. I don't just mean in a sweet little Sunday dress. They had on poofy pageant dresses, lacy socks, dressy shoes, they had tanned, loads of make-up and lipstick, and hair pieces. They were that dolled up. I guess the kids were around 6 years old. I'm not sure...I just saw the last 20 minutes of the show.

The little girls were each taking their turn on the stage to walk out in front of the judges and be "judged" on their appearance in their big poofy dresses. The judges could be brutal in the things they said and it would infuriate me to hear what they would say. When one little girl was walking away a judge said..."Look at how she walks. She walks awkward. I don't like that." I heard them criticize hair or how they would hold their arms.

This all got me to thinking...if we would subject our precious little 6 year old girls to this should we not subject ourselves to this? Can you imagine??? Here goes...A 27 year old woman prancing herself out onto stage in a big poofy dress that I would most definitely be uncomfortable in because I am simply used to a t-shirt and jeans. I suppose I would have on high heeled shoes like the 6 year olds and odds are I'd trip and fall because tennis shoes or flip flops are my shoes of choice. That judge would most definitely say..."Look at how she walks in those high heels. She walks awkward" when she saw me walking in high heeled shoes. I'm sure my hair wouldn't be good enough because it is too short to poof out and I'm sure they could have a field day about me not being a size 2. Stay with me here...

Maybe we should all have to "go on stage" and let someone pinpoint our rights and wrongs. Wow...how hard would that be to stand in front of 3 judges and them look over everything we do in a day. Maybe they would say..."Oh you gossipped" "Oh you were envious" "You had an unpure thought right there" "Oh me you even used God's name in vain right there" "You coveted" "You weren't obedient right then" Wow...I can't imagine going in front of a judge to judge my appearance much less in front of a "judge" to judge if I am doing what God's good word commands me to do. I would feel so ashamed to have them point out everything I do wrong. I am sure it would be a list miles long.

Guess what??? When our time here on Earth is through and we enter the gates of Heaven we will have to stand in front of the one and only Almighty Judge. The only One who matters...God! He will find our name and he will know every good thing we did on Earth and every bad thing we did on Earth. Really think about this...sit back and take it in. Those 6 year old little girls were in front of 3 measely little ole' earthly judges and they were nervous wrecks. Their moms and dads were nervous wrecks. Shoot...I was even a nervous wreck for them. Can you imagine it being you standing in front of God?!? Can you imagine the shame we will feel over some of the things we have done here on Earth? Maybe you are perfect and like some of those 6 year old little girls who the judges had nothing bad to say about you will have no shame, but I doubt it very seriously. I am embarassed about some of the things I have done and some of the thoughts I have had. I am embarassed that I lived for years without sharing my Faith in Jesus Christ. I am down right unworthy of his forgiveness. But you know what the good news is? He forgives us...those measly ole' earthly judges on "Little Miss Perfect" wouldn't forgive the little girl for walking "awkward" but our Savior will. We may walk "awkward" in our walk with the Lord sometimes. We may stumble and fall and get off track, but He will not turn us away like the judges in the pageant. You just have to ask and He will forgive you. How awesome is that?!?

I know if our precious Ian had entered a pageant here on Earth the judges could have ripped him apart. They could have criticized his size and his "dysmorphic features" as the doctors called them. However, I saw him as beautiful and guess who else saw him as beautiful. Our Heavenly Father!!! The only "judge" who matters thought our little Ian was perfect and precious. And I am sure that as our little Ian stood in front of his Maker he was crowned as "Little Mr.Perfect" and he was shown through the gates of Heaven by hearing the words..."Well done my good and faithful servant!" Are you going to hear those words? I sure hope I do!!!

How to help someone who is hurting...

As a grieving mom I have been researching and researching about "How to help a grieving parent." When you lose someone you automatically become part of "the club." It is a club you do not want to be a member of. For example, we are a member of the "My child has died" club. As a result of this, people have begun to approach me who have lost loved ones because they know I can relate to their deep agonizing pain. Even though I can relate it is hard to find the words to say in each different situation. I have found a few things I really enjoyed reading and I have found things that have happened to me that made me so hurt. So...I thought I would share with you all how to help someone who is grieving.

Maybe you know someone whose mom or dad has died, whose child has died, whose spouse has died, whose sibling has died, who has gotten a divorce, who has went through bankruptcy, etc. Obviously some things are worse than other things to experience, but each scenario can cause serious grief.

When you are thrown into the dark world of grieving people like to put a "timeline" on your grief. I am here to strongly tell you...THERE IS NO TIMELINE FOR A PERSON GRIEVING. Do not expect a person to be "over it" or "better" in a month, in six months, in a year, or ever in some cases. So if you are truly caring about a person experiencing trauma in their lives do not "expect" them to be over it in a certain amount of time. Some things just can't be put on a timeline...

Keep your words simple. For example...try not to say things like "His time was up." "He is better off now." "Time will heal all your pain" Actually...the person grieving thinks their loved one would have been better off living a lifetime of wonderful with them and they probably have the feeling that time will never HEAL their pain. It might ease up on some days, but it will never be gone.

What to say to someone who is heartbroken..."I'm sorry." "I've been thinking about you." or my personal favorite is "You know what I loved about Ian..." Don't try to explain reasons why you are sorry when someone has lost their parents or child or sibling. Just simply say "I'm sorry." Also, don't try to forget about their loved one who has died. Talk about the person and tell the family what you loved about their loved one. You can sit with them and just hug them or pat their leg. Just be there for them and don't make it about you. Don't say..."I understand you know. My cat died last week and it's just so hard to live without her." I mean really...there is no comparison there! However...people do this!!!

When a person is grieving the loss of a child I know the emotions are out of control. I am sure it is the same way when you lose a parent or another close family member. However, I don't have experience in that area. Thank you Jesus! My emotions drain me on certain days and I have no energy to worry about mundane things in life. I know I do things that seem outrageous to others in my process of grieving but those outrageous events are what I want I to do right now. No explanations available for some emotions I have...they are just there. As the support system of someone grieving this is the time you are supposed to support the grieving person. This is not the time for you to judge them or become angry with them, but it is the time for you to stand by them and love them like you always have. This may be one of the most difficult tasks for the support system involved with the grieving person. To have this support from people shows unconditional love.

Be there...don't leave them and forget about them because you are worried about what to do or say. Hold your friend when they are so sad that they can't stand to even get up off the couch. Hold your grieving friend as she cleans out her child's bedroom and packs up memories in rubbermaid boxes. If you have a grieving friend and you really want to help them send them a card saying "I love you," send a personal gift of something the two of you enjoy doing together, or call her up and say I'll be there at 6:00 with dinner for you. Go out of your way to do extraordinary things for the grieving person and don't forget them after a few weeks or months and think they are better. Odds are things are much worse now than they were in the beginning. Just love them and show them you love them.

One way you all show me you love me is by the posts on my blog encouraging me and pushing me to get up each day. By participating in my silly debates and helping us to understand our questions we have about why things happen. Some of you still send me cards to this day and I think it's awesome there are actually people in the world who do that. I need to do better at that!

Don't dodge the grieving person when you see them. Hug them...say I'm sorry and I am thinking about you.

It's hard to know how to handle a grieving person if you have never been through a situation to cause grief for yourself. It's even hard for us to know how to approach a grieving person and everyone would think we would know what to say. It's always hard to know what to say though. That's why I thought I would share with you what I have read. And when in doubt...the less said is usually best.

I hope this helps you all to know how to handle the grieving people in your lives.

Do good people DESERVE good things???

Ok...we have been having a little debate around our house lately and I am going to open up the debate for Ian's Reason to get involved. I would love for someone much smarter than myself in the word to show me scripture based arguments for your side of the debate.

I'm not going to tell you who is on which side. I am just going to throw some arguments out there and wait for your opinions. I hope some of these opinions are based on the word of God.

Here goes....do good people DESERVE good things? Well maybe you are thinking "describe a good person." Generally I'd say a good person is one who isn't stealing, isn't murdering people, goes to church and lives the life God wants them to live, honest and trustworthy, caring and kind towards others, etc. You got the picture yet?

We have been "researching" about this topic and the things I have found have blown me away. I discovered that according to God's good word there are no GOOD people. What??? Are you serious. Yep...you can read it right here in Romans 3:9-19 "There is none righteous,not even one;there is none who understands, there is none who seeks God.....There is none who does good,there is not even one." Not even one??? Really...are you thinking like myself right now..."God must have forgotten about me. I mean I'm a relatively good person." The research I have found described this as "public decency." Ha...I guess you could also describe it that way but I like to think of it as a good person.

So...I want you to think about it. Our situation for instance...A young married couple has a baby who they would love and take care of with the best of them. Has a terminally ill child and child dies. Does this family DESERVE a healthy child? Does this family DESERVE some happiness in their life? Or maybe it is the family who the parent has had cancer and has lost the dad. Does this family DESERVE some happiness thrown their way? Or maybe it is a young divorced Godly woman who has been through trial after trial with health problems and leaving a husband who wasn't the man she needed. She seeks the Lord and lives for him. Does she not DESERVE a good Godly man?

I would love for you guys to help us understand this scenario. I think a lot of people out there have the same debate going on in their heads and I think it would be awesome to have a scriptual debate right here on Ian's Reason.

Do good people DESERVE good things? Do bad people DESERVE good things or bad things? Are any of us good....according to Romans 9 we aren't???

So go get our your bibles and dig in. Share what you find on here so everyone can learn from this debate. You can sign the guest book by choosing "anonymous." Just remember to put your name at the end of your entry so we know who wrote it. Good luck studying for your side of the debate. I can't wait to read your findings.