Good morning!

Just a quick update this morning. Geez...our house is a zoo. You know I told you guys Wae wanted Shug back inside because we thought he was going deaf. Well...took him to doc and he has fluid in his lungs. Can we say dejavu'??? The doctor gave him meds for kennel cough and said he didn't know if it was kennel cough or heart failure. Really?!? I vividly remember a conversation with Ian's docs much like the conversation with the vet. Really?!? WEIRD!!! He is eating it up and loving every second of being inside. He remembers all the old ways and is rubbing it in Miley's face that she's outside. So mean...

I have had many people ask me to tell them when I am going to speak at Celebrate Recovery. Well...it is tonight. I'm not good at telling people when I speak because I just feel weird about telling everyone but there have been many people who wanted to know about this engagement so it will be tonight. The music at CR starts at 6:15 and then I speak.

Rhizo Kids Conference Needs:

***Cases of water...cases of water...cases of water... We had someone donate 21 packs of 24 packs last week of soft drinks so we have that area covered. We only have 4 cases of water though. So...if you were wanting to do something to do help Rhizo Kids water would be a great way.

***A video taping pro??? The doctors would like to have the Rhizo Kids conference videotaped and I am simply swamped and can't imagine taping the conference. As a matter of fact I just really don't know how to set up the camera on a tripod and do all that it involves. We would also love, love, love it if the video expert would be able to burn DVD's for each family and doctor to take home Sunday. Rhizo Kids will buy the supplies to burn the DVD's I just someone to tell me what to do and what to buy.

Thanks for your help guys. You are always so faithful to help Rhizo Kids. I hate having to ask for help so much but it takes a lot to pull this off and I'm not sure if we are going to pull it off. LOL...I've procrastinated bad!

Going to give Shug his meds and hope he quits this coughing. Geez...he's just a dog Mary! He's just a dog!!!

Disappointing people and disappointing God...

I have really been thinking about disappointment lately. Not disappointment about where my life is going now but about disappointing other people. About how many of us would work ourselves to the bone before we didn't do something for someone who needed us. About how we will stay up day in and day out to complete projects for other people because we enjoy doing them but also because we don't want to disappoint the person. We agonize over details in our lives because we wouldn't want to "disappoint" someone who counted on us.

I have been "thinking" (key word here is "thinking") about backing off on Rhizo Kids. I have entertained the notion of handing the reigns over to someone else and me taking this stressor out of my life for awhile. I have agonized and relentlessly tried to work out every detail of what could happen to Rhizo Kids if I "quit." I have struggled over the fact of how many people would be disappointed if they didn't have a new Team Ian shirt to wear each year. (some of you may just be glad to not buy one LOL) I have struggled over the fact that I started this for Ian...to find him that cure or treatment to help him and am I really going to "quit" on Ian. I know Ian is LIVING in Heaven now but in my eyes everything that is done for Rhizo Kids is in loving memory of our precious Ian and when that cure is found because of what we all started I do want it to be in loving memory of Ian. I don't want anyone to think I am a quitter and the last thing I ever want is to disappoint someone. I was crushed when I discussed this option with people and they were not ready for me to quit because they too weren't ready to give up on Ian's cure even though he is no longer with us. I could hear the disappointment in their voices and I can't stand to disappoint someone.

Well...do we care this much if we disappoint God? Do we even just "entertain" notions or do we jump in head first without even asking Him for His opinion. Do we care what God thinks when we only read our bibles on Sundays at church or when we never pray and seek His guidance in our lives. Do we care if we disappoint God by the choices we choose each day or when we put so many things before Him? Do we care if we disappoint God before we don't go to church because we make up yet another excuse? (It's so easy for me to want to sleep in on Sunday and have the whole day to just Wae and I) Do we care if we disappoint God by "quitting" on him the way I have thought of "quitting" on Rhizo Kids....you know just slacking off a bit on God. Not reading my bible quite as much, not praying every day, not going to church every opportunity we have, and not trying to win souls to Christ. Wow...I really haven't ever thought about "disappointing" God! I bet he has been very disappointed in some choices I have made and how I have chosen to spend my life many days preoccupied by the things of this world.

Soooo...I say let's start becoming conscious of our decisions and let's think about whether or not God is proud of us or if he is disappointed in some of the decisions we make. We always worry about what other people will think about us and I think it's time to think about what God thinks.

A little side note...my classroom is awesome!!! We painted it already...3 walls blue and 1 wall yellow. My "theme" is bees. I always have to have a "theme." Mine used to be monkeys and safari but after Ian's love for monkeys I just couldn't go there. We have "The Math Buzz" for my math meeting board, "The Reading Hive" for our classroom library, "Buzz Words" for our word wall, and many more things that need to have a title. If you are creative with this send your ideas about bees and beehives. We're going to paint a big beehive in my room at the "The Reading Hive" and there will be painted bees around it too. So cute!!! I'm thinking..."BEE autiful work" for the student's work displays, "Buzzing with good behavior" for the behavior chart, etc... I am really excited about getting back to teaching and can't wait to meet the kids.

Another side note...our "baby" before Ian was born was our cocker spaniel Shug. Wae got him for me my sophomore year of college. He lived in the house until Ian was born and then he was kicked out. So sad... :) Well, Wae has been wanting to get him back inside for quite some time now and last night he wouldn't take no for an answer. He used the ole'..."I'm afraid he's losing his hearing and I don't want him to get run over" Well...I can't stand the thought of Shug dying too so guess who is back inside after three years of outside?!? SHUG... This is going to take some getting used to. I think he'd rather be outside and right now I'm riding the fence on this decision. He really is the BEST dog ever so I guess we'll just roll with it. Well I better go find Shug something to chew on before he finds the door frames.

See ya'.......

New Direction...

Well...last week after I updated I met with the Superintendent of Education for Cherokee County.I got my new job placement for next year. I will be a 1st grade teacher at Sand Rock. This isn't the school I was at before Ian so I think God is sending me in a new direction now. I have been there working and painting my classroom and I haven't met one person yet who isn't nice. I mean everyone is overly nice and very welcoming. It makes going to a new school so much easier. And on the plus side I am real good friends with the principal's wife. So...I already knew the principal really well and that relieves a lot of stress to know the boss.

I've heard time and time again from people that they think this is a blessing. You know...I had my normal before Ian was born which was at CES. I had dreams for my future with our healthy kids and so on and so on. Those plans I once had were all shattered the day Ian was born. Now it's like God is giving me a new normal after Ian. I remember what it was like to prepare my classroom and work before Ian was born and I know what it feels like now. It's so different. I told Wae that from the outside looking in our life is "normal" to people now. Just like it was when I taught at CES. I thought things would feel the same but it is so different. I am still a teacher at heart. I loved my job and I cannot wait to jump back in head first. However, there is nothing about me that is the same as before. I have had a total body, soul, and mind makeover. Many things are better, some parts are still broken, and many parts are still healing. I believe God has placed me at this school, in this grade for a time such as this. I know HE is up to something and that he has great plans for my life. I know He sees the big picture and I can't wait to get a glimpse at his plan.

Reminder...Pottery Party this Saturday at Wae's office in Ellisville. This is where we do handprints and footprints of your children and place them on pottery...plates, cookies jars, canister sets, holiday plates et. We turn them into anything you want. If you want to schedule an appointment for "Precious Pottery" please email me and I'll let you know what times are available. For those of you from Centre this is with Deanna Patterson and Amanda Harkins. It makes great Christmas presents and it is one of my most valuable treasures of my time with Ian.

2nd Reminder...Rhizo Kids Conference is almost here. Aagh!!! What was I thinking planning this. I have way too much going on!!! We need drinks. We have 50 people to feed and provide everything for for 3 days and we don't have enough. We need soft drinks, water, drinks for kids, juices for breakfast, etc. We don't have much at all. We could also use little debbies and packs of cookies for the families to snack on during the days. We can use homemade desserts too for our meals and visiting times. If you want to make desserts you can plan on delivering them to Cotton States Insurance on Thursday, June 24th before 12 pm. I will be leaving for Chesnut Bay at 12 and will need to deliver all desserts, drinks, and food to the rented cabins we have. Please help Rhizo Kids with this. You can buy drinks and drop them off at Cotton States Insurance between 9 and 4. Deadline for drink delivery is Wednesday June 23 at 12 pm. Thanks for all you guys do to support Rhizo Kids. I just know this is going to be a blessed meeting with many new discoveries for the Rhizo Kids. You can email me at maryellis96@yahoo.com with questions or for volunteering to help with conference.

A Conscious Effort...

I know...I know...I'm in trouble aren't I??? It's been quite awhile since I updated Ian's Reason. Not sure what I've been doing but I sure haven't been on here. I have been working, selling Rhizo Kids shirts, painting pottery,planting lots and lots of flowers, and patiently awaiting the news of my teaching position for next year. So...My mind has been elsewhere.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to someone about "Happiness." We were talking about when people go through trials and hard times in life and they turn into mush. You know just a big ole' pile of unhappiness. Come on guys...you know those people! They are always gripping and complaining about something and a lot of times blaming their troubles on someone else. They are in a pit of despair, often times blaming God for the unhappiness in their lives and they aren't working real hard at finding happiness again.

This person said something that has stuck with me. She said..."But Mary look at what you have been through. You quit your job, you took care of a sick child 24/7 for 2 years, and then your child died. How are you happy? You go on with your life and you make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to be happy." My answer was..."The difference is my faith in Jesus Christ! I rely on him every day of my life to make it just one more day and to not live a life full of bitterness" After she said that to me about making a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to be happy I started thinking. You know I think that is the answer to my prayers for making it just one more day. God helps me to make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to have a good day. He pushes me through one more day with possibly a little bit more of a smile in my soul than I had the day before.

Isn't that awesome?!? I can't imagine going through hardships and trials in this life and not having the faith I have. I would end up being a miserable and depressed person for the remainder of my life. I would be mad, depressed, sad, complaining, and just a plain ole' slug for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong...there are many days when being a slug are pretty appealing to me. There are days when I don't want to talk to a single living soul and I don't want to see anyone. BUT...I don't do that! I make a conscious effort to have a good day.

Psalm 68:3 says "But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God;may they be happy and joyful." The footnotes in my bible for this verse explained that only in God is there hope. So there you go...it's right there in the bible for ya'...Without God as the center of your life you don't have much hope for happiness in this life. I'm not talking about the people who have never faced a hardship. Sure those people are happy...they haven't been tested yet. I'm talking about those of us who have cried a river of tears from heartbreak and who have been pressed on all sides with troubles. There is no hope for you if you don't have God!!!

A quick quote for you to ponder..."Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times." I saw this on a church sign this week and I thought it summed up how we must make a conscious effort to be happy sometimes.

So...today I say...DEAL WITH IT! Sure things are going to happen in this life that causes heartbreak in our lives. Sure we are going to get depressed at times because our lives didn't turn out how we had planned. But deal with it. Allow yourself some "mad time" but only a short time. Then...DEAL WITH IT! Do you want to look back 40 years later and realize you wasted the best years of your life because you were bitter,mad, and depressed about something that happened in your life. I sure don't...I want to live by the words of the song "Praise you in this storm" "I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands for YOU are who YOU are no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried you hold in your hands and though my heart is TORN I will praise You in this storm."

Make a conscious effort today at happiness. It will make your day so much better. Then when you wake up tomorrow you can start all over again praying for God to help you make a conscious effort at happiness.

Sunflowers...

If you came to Ian's celebration of life (aka funeral) you probably got a small bag of sunflowers to plant this spring in memory of Ian. If you didn't come to Ian's celebration of life and you want to join this tradition each spring in memory of Ian you can just go out and buy you some seeds. (I will have the extra bags from Ian's celebration of life at the shirt sale tomorrow.)

I have never planted a seed before in my life. I have especially never planted a sunflower seed and gave it tender love and care. Goodness gracious...I'll just be down right honest with you. If I even buy a flower to plant and grow as soon as I sit it out of my car it seems to die. NO JOKE!!! I am horrible at growing flowers. Wae's infamous words every year..."Did you buy all these flowers again? Are you at least going to TRY to keep them alive? How much did they cost?"

Back to the story about sunflowes...when it was time to plan the funeral I wanted sunflowers. In my opinion, sunflowers are such a "cheery" flower. I love them! We used sunflowers because I thought it could remind us all of Ian's happiness. We will all remember Ian's contagious grin when our sunflowers begin to bloom and it will once again remind us of what's important in life. I have had many people tell me about planting their sunflowers so I thought I'd let you all know (especially my Aunt Dottie) that we have planted our sunflowers. It is now time Aunt Dottie so you can start you a sunflower patch. : )





We planted our sunflowers a couple of days before Mother's Day. I love the idea of this being a Mother's Day tradition at our house. I took some pictures to give you some tips about planting your sunflowers. Some are genuine tips and some are just down right common sense which I obviously don't have much of. : )

Tip#1: Plow up the area where you want to plant your sunflowers. It can be big or small according to what size area you want.

Tip#2: Don't wear flip flops like I did. DUH...I was a mess.

Tip#3: You can plant seeds in a degradable pot and then when they sprout you can plant them in the bed where you wish to have them. I am using dwarf sunflowers in my little pots and I am planting them in this small bed in our backyard flower bed.


So...grap a rake, a shovel, and a hoe and get your sunflower area prepared. Grab your bag of seeds and plant them. You are supposed to plant them one inch deep six inches apart. We just threw them out there in our dirt and raked them in. This was all Wae's idea to do it this way and I just hope they work. If you know me well you know I wanted to use a ruler and place them exactly 1 inch deep and 6 inches apart. Wae wasn't going to be that patient. So...we did it his quick way. I was going to bend over 1 million times and plant each seed in the perfect spot. Didn't happen though. : ) Then you must water them. A lot I think...we put up a sprinkler and are hoping to see some sprouts soon. Problem is...we have a dog named Miley who just might be possessed and she digs EVERYTHING UP!!! Odds of her letting us grow some sunflowers are very slim. Most important tip...they are SUNflowers. They must be planted in an area that gets full sun. Have fun planting and send pics if your sunflower garden works. I sure hope ours does.

T-SHIRT SALE IS TOMORROW, WEDNESDAY AT COTTON STATES INSURANCE IN CENTRE, AL. THE ADDRESS IS 1450 WEST MAIN STREET. IT IS LOCATED IN THE PIGGLY WIGGLY SHOPPING CENTER. BESIDE THE OLD STARR'S BBQ. IT'S A SMALL BRICK BUILDING. THIS WILL BE THE ONLY DAY TO GET THE NEW TEAM IAN SHIRTS. SALE STARTS AT 9 AM AND ENDS AT 4 PM. LIMITED NUMBER OF SHIRTS THIS TIME. FIRST COME FIRST SERVE...NO PRE-ORDERS. THE SALE IS NOT TODAY IT IS TOMORROW ON WEDNESDAY : )HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE.

Once a mother always a mother???

In two days we will be celebrating mothers around the world for Mother's Day. Moms will be getting flowers, candy, gifts, and hugs and kisses. It is the day that is actually set aside to honor mothers. For the past two years I was involved in those celebrations as well. This year though on Mother's Day I no longer have a child in my arms. I knew the joy of being of a mom and it was a dream come true. However, it was also a dream that resulted in being shattered to a million pieces.

So my question for you today is...If you were a mother and the child dies are you still a mom? If you were a mother of 3 and 1 child died are you still a mother of 3 or do you say you're a mother of 2? If you were a mother and you are left to live here without your child do you celebrate mother's day even though your arms are empty? I know what your answer will be...without even thinking you are saying to yourself..."Of course you are still a mom Mary!" But really think about it and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. You carried your child, you birthed your child, you raised your child the best you could and then the child died. You were left with no children...do you consider yourself a mom still??? We are left with a hole in our hearts and a hole in our lives because our child is no longer with us. It is an emptiness that will never go away and a pain that will never cease. I pray with all I have the pain dulls in time, but I am certain it will never completely disappear.

Mother's Day...a day I used to treasure has turned into a day I wished didn't exist. It has opened up my wound that was healing and made the pain fresh again. I feel the pain of Ian dying at this holiday more intense than the week he actually passed. I see mothers being honored and I want to crumble to the ground screaming..."Why...Why...Why...I was a mother and it was taken away from me. Why??? How can that happen??? It should be against all rules of nature!"

Everywhere you turn there are reminders of mother's day...commercials, chain status updates on facebook, chain emails about mothers, contest on shows honoring the best mothers, cards at wal-mart, balloons everywhere, and even a celebratory dinner at chick-fil-a when I was at the mall(tablecloths and even a professional photographer)It is a holiday in which you cannot escape.You cannot hide in your home and escape it because it is inevitable that something will be on the TV about it. You can't go to church and escape it because all mothers will be honored on that day and you guessed it...BUT I'm not a mom anymore! It is a fact of life that every year in May I will be ripped apart because of this holiday. I pray in future years I will be a mom of healthy children on this holiday but as of now God has not chosen that path for our lives.

I have a request this year on Mother's Day. If you are a mom and you have children here to celebrate this day with you embrace this day with all your heart and love those chidren the way they deserve to be loved. Make the hugs last a little longer and let the kisses be abundant. Let the sound of their innocent child-like voices warm your heart and love them without holding back. Think about the moms around the world who are here and their chidren have died and they were left with one less child or like myself they were left with no children at all. Think about that Sunday morning when your children bring you breakfast in bed and think about that when they want you to play outside with them. Cherish every moment for me because I would give anything to be in your shoes with a house full of kids running wild and making tons of messes!

Shirts...Shirts...and More Shirts!!!

It is time...our Spring t-shirts are ready and will be for sale on Wednesday, May 12 from 9 am to 4 pm. I will be set up at Cotton States Insurance (1450 West Main Street Centre, AL 35960).

I am taking NO PRE-ORDERS...unless you live out of town. If you live out of town then please email me at maryellis96@yahoo.com if you wish to place an order for the new shirts. I will email you back with the details.


The shirt prices are:
Charcoal Team Ian $15
White Team Ian $12
Pink Tie Dye $15
Black with Hands $15

Children's Shirts are all $10!

Thank you to everyone who supports our cause. The funds from this will help to pay for our 2010 Rhizo Kids Conference. We have 10 families and 8 doctors from all around the WORLD coming to this conference and we are very hopeful this will bring help for RCDP children.