Once a mother always a mother???

In two days we will be celebrating mothers around the world for Mother's Day. Moms will be getting flowers, candy, gifts, and hugs and kisses. It is the day that is actually set aside to honor mothers. For the past two years I was involved in those celebrations as well. This year though on Mother's Day I no longer have a child in my arms. I knew the joy of being of a mom and it was a dream come true. However, it was also a dream that resulted in being shattered to a million pieces.

So my question for you today is...If you were a mother and the child dies are you still a mom? If you were a mother of 3 and 1 child died are you still a mother of 3 or do you say you're a mother of 2? If you were a mother and you are left to live here without your child do you celebrate mother's day even though your arms are empty? I know what your answer will be...without even thinking you are saying to yourself..."Of course you are still a mom Mary!" But really think about it and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. You carried your child, you birthed your child, you raised your child the best you could and then the child died. You were left with no children...do you consider yourself a mom still??? We are left with a hole in our hearts and a hole in our lives because our child is no longer with us. It is an emptiness that will never go away and a pain that will never cease. I pray with all I have the pain dulls in time, but I am certain it will never completely disappear.

Mother's Day...a day I used to treasure has turned into a day I wished didn't exist. It has opened up my wound that was healing and made the pain fresh again. I feel the pain of Ian dying at this holiday more intense than the week he actually passed. I see mothers being honored and I want to crumble to the ground screaming..."Why...Why...Why...I was a mother and it was taken away from me. Why??? How can that happen??? It should be against all rules of nature!"

Everywhere you turn there are reminders of mother's day...commercials, chain status updates on facebook, chain emails about mothers, contest on shows honoring the best mothers, cards at wal-mart, balloons everywhere, and even a celebratory dinner at chick-fil-a when I was at the mall(tablecloths and even a professional photographer)It is a holiday in which you cannot escape.You cannot hide in your home and escape it because it is inevitable that something will be on the TV about it. You can't go to church and escape it because all mothers will be honored on that day and you guessed it...BUT I'm not a mom anymore! It is a fact of life that every year in May I will be ripped apart because of this holiday. I pray in future years I will be a mom of healthy children on this holiday but as of now God has not chosen that path for our lives.

I have a request this year on Mother's Day. If you are a mom and you have children here to celebrate this day with you embrace this day with all your heart and love those chidren the way they deserve to be loved. Make the hugs last a little longer and let the kisses be abundant. Let the sound of their innocent child-like voices warm your heart and love them without holding back. Think about the moms around the world who are here and their chidren have died and they were left with one less child or like myself they were left with no children at all. Think about that Sunday morning when your children bring you breakfast in bed and think about that when they want you to play outside with them. Cherish every moment for me because I would give anything to be in your shoes with a house full of kids running wild and making tons of messes!