Disappointing people and disappointing God...

I have really been thinking about disappointment lately. Not disappointment about where my life is going now but about disappointing other people. About how many of us would work ourselves to the bone before we didn't do something for someone who needed us. About how we will stay up day in and day out to complete projects for other people because we enjoy doing them but also because we don't want to disappoint the person. We agonize over details in our lives because we wouldn't want to "disappoint" someone who counted on us.

I have been "thinking" (key word here is "thinking") about backing off on Rhizo Kids. I have entertained the notion of handing the reigns over to someone else and me taking this stressor out of my life for awhile. I have agonized and relentlessly tried to work out every detail of what could happen to Rhizo Kids if I "quit." I have struggled over the fact of how many people would be disappointed if they didn't have a new Team Ian shirt to wear each year. (some of you may just be glad to not buy one LOL) I have struggled over the fact that I started this for Ian...to find him that cure or treatment to help him and am I really going to "quit" on Ian. I know Ian is LIVING in Heaven now but in my eyes everything that is done for Rhizo Kids is in loving memory of our precious Ian and when that cure is found because of what we all started I do want it to be in loving memory of Ian. I don't want anyone to think I am a quitter and the last thing I ever want is to disappoint someone. I was crushed when I discussed this option with people and they were not ready for me to quit because they too weren't ready to give up on Ian's cure even though he is no longer with us. I could hear the disappointment in their voices and I can't stand to disappoint someone.

Well...do we care this much if we disappoint God? Do we even just "entertain" notions or do we jump in head first without even asking Him for His opinion. Do we care what God thinks when we only read our bibles on Sundays at church or when we never pray and seek His guidance in our lives. Do we care if we disappoint God by the choices we choose each day or when we put so many things before Him? Do we care if we disappoint God before we don't go to church because we make up yet another excuse? (It's so easy for me to want to sleep in on Sunday and have the whole day to just Wae and I) Do we care if we disappoint God by "quitting" on him the way I have thought of "quitting" on Rhizo Kids....you know just slacking off a bit on God. Not reading my bible quite as much, not praying every day, not going to church every opportunity we have, and not trying to win souls to Christ. Wow...I really haven't ever thought about "disappointing" God! I bet he has been very disappointed in some choices I have made and how I have chosen to spend my life many days preoccupied by the things of this world.

Soooo...I say let's start becoming conscious of our decisions and let's think about whether or not God is proud of us or if he is disappointed in some of the decisions we make. We always worry about what other people will think about us and I think it's time to think about what God thinks.

A little side note...my classroom is awesome!!! We painted it already...3 walls blue and 1 wall yellow. My "theme" is bees. I always have to have a "theme." Mine used to be monkeys and safari but after Ian's love for monkeys I just couldn't go there. We have "The Math Buzz" for my math meeting board, "The Reading Hive" for our classroom library, "Buzz Words" for our word wall, and many more things that need to have a title. If you are creative with this send your ideas about bees and beehives. We're going to paint a big beehive in my room at the "The Reading Hive" and there will be painted bees around it too. So cute!!! I'm thinking..."BEE autiful work" for the student's work displays, "Buzzing with good behavior" for the behavior chart, etc... I am really excited about getting back to teaching and can't wait to meet the kids.

Another side note...our "baby" before Ian was born was our cocker spaniel Shug. Wae got him for me my sophomore year of college. He lived in the house until Ian was born and then he was kicked out. So sad... :) Well, Wae has been wanting to get him back inside for quite some time now and last night he wouldn't take no for an answer. He used the ole'..."I'm afraid he's losing his hearing and I don't want him to get run over" Well...I can't stand the thought of Shug dying too so guess who is back inside after three years of outside?!? SHUG... This is going to take some getting used to. I think he'd rather be outside and right now I'm riding the fence on this decision. He really is the BEST dog ever so I guess we'll just roll with it. Well I better go find Shug something to chew on before he finds the door frames.

See ya'.......