11 Weeks

I am 11 weeks pregnant and I think my belly has officially popped. :) I just called my best friend Lindsey and said..."Ok when you had Cohen (her second child) did your stomach turn into a fat gut?" LOL...when I was pregnant with Ian I just remember it being so hard and firm. It wasn't just fat at all (that's in my memory though) I feel so fat and ugly. I am now getting weekly manicures by my sweet friend Ms.Tammy and today I told her..."If I have to be fat at least my nails can look good."

So...what about our sweet baby?!? Well, this sweet little baby is proving to be night and day to our previous sweet Ian. This baby makes me nauseated most days all day and now I have even thrown up. I am probably the only woman in the history of pregnant women to be PUMPED about being jolted from my sleep on a Sunday night to throw up. :) I keep hearing if you're sick it's a healthy baby so I was so happy to throw up. My precious cousin Katie is four weeks ahead of me and that poor girl throws up 24 hours a day when she is pregnant. She has now lost nine pounds and as she reads this she is probably thinking..."Mary you have thrown up once!" LOL...hey I'm happy about it though. :) :)

I gave in to the inteligender test and took it. For those of you who don't know what that is just let me tell you about it girlfriend! You buy this kit...mine was a whopping $40 at CVS. You hold your bladder all night. Now remember this is a pregnant woman you're talking to. The ones who go anywhere from 2 to five times a night to the bathroom. I was miserable all night because I so needed to go to the bathroom but I had to hold it for this test you see. So picture this...I couldn't sleep b/c I was so excited to see if it was a boy or girl and then I needed to go to the bathroom so bad I was hurting. LOL....Finally at 4 am I gave in and relieved myself in the nice little "cup" provided for my $40. And I sat and waited with my timer on for 5 minutes. You can only wait 5 minutes and look at the result then. Any sooner and it could be wrong any after five and it could change colors and be wrong. So...you wait! If your urine turns green "It's a boy" and if it is a yellow/orange color "It's a girl" Well...mine turned green so supposedly "IT'S A BOY!!!" Now this is all fun and games. I didn't go decorate my nursery or buy the coming home outfit based off of this silly $40 test. I did however narrow down some favorite boy names, decide on boy baby bedding, order samples of the baby bedding fabric, and got my cousin Mallory ready to decorate a boy nursery. With all of that being said I can pretty much guarantee that now it'll be a girl. LOL... Some names I'm loving are Asher, Aiden, and Samuel. Asher is my favorite at this minute but tomorrow it might be different. Asher is a name from the Bible. If you don't believe me look it up. LOL...I had to show my dad Genesis 30:13. Anybody have any cute ideas on boy names??? Anyhow Asher means "Happiness and blessed" Just what we are with this sweet baby!!!

On to the good stuff...our baby is now big enough to hold in the palm of my hand. He/she weighs about .25 of an ounce and that explains the 5-10 pound weight gain right?!? That totally makes sense to me. :) Our baby has arms and legs and fingers and toes. He/she is now capable of opening and closing his/her fists. WOW!!! The baby is now officially considered a fetus and the most critical stages of development are over. He/she is now about he size of a fig. During this week, blood will begin to circulate between the baby and the uterus and the placenta begins to function entirely. It's humbling to me that God entrusts us to "grow" His precious miracles within our bodies. What an awesome God we serve. How do people who don't believe in Jesus Christ explain life??? Do they think WE are just that good to create another human. I think not! It's a miracle what is happening in my tummy and I praise God he is allowing me to join him in creating this sweet child.

The doctor's appointments are all in the next two weeks. Wae and I have a busy day on Tuesday with sonograms, and doctors, and genetecists. Please pray for my "mama heart" to be calm, cool, and collective instead of overbearing and pushy. Please pray for God's wisdom on what to do with some serious decisions we will be making and most of all...pray for a healthy baby. I'll let you all know how the appointments go and I'll definitely post a pic of our little "fig" next week.

Love you all and so appreciate the prayers for a healthy baby. Talk to you soon!!! Enjoy this sunshine...

Wow...I'm really pregnant!!!

I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and it has really kicked in full force at this point. If you've ever been pregnant before you know what I'm talking about. It's like you have wanted this for so long and when it finally happens it's kind of surreal. You have to let the news sink in and after about five weeks of knowing it has offically "sunk" in.

I see babies laughing and smiling and instead of crying because I miss my sweet little Ian I just smile all over because I know in less than 7 months we too will have that healthy happy baby. I just pray all day every day..."God please bless us with a healthy child...God please form a healthy and strong heart in this child...God please foster a love for Christ in this child." It's all day I pray. I think about the bible verse 1 Samuel 1:27 "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." For THIS child I have prayed and I have faith that the Lord will grant us with a healthy child.

I might have jinked myself in one of my previous posts. I said I was the pregnant woman you hated who never got sick. Well...things are a bit different this time. :) I'm not actually throwing up but I am VERY nauseous ummm...about all day. LOL. I want to eat and I try to eat and I hate everything I try. I am working hard to drink my water and I try but it makes me gag. This pregnancy has started out quite different from Ian. Maybe this is a sign of a healthy pregnancy?!?

I have had my first prenatal doctor's visit with my for real baby doctor. I wasn't in the infertility clinic I was in the waiting room with all the normal women who were also pregnant. I was in the waiting room filled with smiles, laughter and happiness instead of defeat, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. If you have ever went through infertility you know what I'm talking about. It felt GOOD to be in the "normal" waiting room. Of course our pregnancy is anything but normal and we obviously have a lot of talks about genetics in our near future but my God is in control of that and you know what?!? He's got this!!! I am with an awesome doctor at St.Vincent's hospital and she has a nurse who cares about what happened to us with Ian and I don't feel like just a patient. I feel loved and cared for and I know I am at the right place for this baby and us. That's a good feeling in itself.

So far things with the doctor look good. It was just a normal first visit with your doctor. We did discuss some testing we will be "strongly encouraged" to do. We will be having these tests done. A peace of mind will do wonders for this pregnancy and after these tests there won't be any questions. Please pray for us as we go through these tests and that everything is normal with no chance of health issues. We will go at week 20 and have an ultrasound on the baby's heart. That will be the end of April. At that point we will KNOW that God has once again answered our many prayers and that this baby has a strong and healthy heart. I should be having some of these tests in the next month so feel free to flood the gates of Heaven with prayers for the doctors, nurses,and everyone involved with these tests. But most of all...pray for our sweet and perfect little baby during the tests.

Well, without furthur ado I introduce to you sweet baby Ellis. You can't tell much from this picture but I should be getting another one soon that will look more like a baby. Isn't she/he cute as pie already??? :)

Happiness

It's been so long since I felt happiness deep in my soul. I mean true happiness. Not just trying to act happy so everyone around me will quit worrying about me. I mean being happy and meaning it. You know the kind of happiness?!? The kind where you just want to share your happiness with the world. I have caught myself telling total strangers..."Yes, I'm pregnant...." Hahahaha...they don't know me at all but I just want to scream at everyone "I had a little boy born in 2007 with a fatal disorder. He passed away at the age of 2 and my husband and I have wanted to have a baby ever since he met Jesus. We couldn't get pregnant and were devastated. BUT guess what?!? My GOD is an awesome God and he has blessed us with a pregnancy!!!" However, I cannot tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry the whole story so now I just get to be happy with no explanations. And let me tell ya'...it feels good!!!

Pregnancy...I am six weeks pregnant now. Our sweet little baby is developing at a rapid rate. Her (that's my prediction) heart is beating already and everything is in place for her eyes, ears, nose, etc. WOW!!! She is so little that she can fit inside the end of the pencil where the eraser goes. Amazing...We got to meet her for the first time Monday. Wae and I were able to have a sonogram and we saw our little miracle. It was only a little dot but it's our miracle so we'll take it. We go back next Thursday for another sonogram and we should actually be able to hear her heartbeat at that point. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick? Well...I am the person you hate. You know the one?!? The person who LOVES being pregnant. I remember being pregnant with Ian and it being the happiest time of my life. I was never once sick. I only gained weight lots in my belly and friends said it looked like I had a basketball under my shirt and that's all. My personal opinion...I was fatter than a whale all around and was swollen from head to toe. Anyways...I loved every second of it. It has started the same way this time. I'm not throwing up at all!!! I feel like I'm going to throw up...I want to...but I just can't. I don't remember that before. I am extremely tired and our house is a disaster. LOL. I don't have much of an appetite and have lost two pounds. Go figure!!! I'm sure I"ll make up for that real soon. I am eating just not tons because it makes me nauseous.

I promise to keep you updated if you promise me something. Pray for our baby!!! My every prayer is for healthy bones without RCDP, a healthy heart, eyes that can see and ears that can hear. A mouth that can eat on it's own and a nose that can smell.Little legs that aren't crossed and that can run and play and be WILD!!! Arms that can reach up around our necks and hug us and a voice to say "I love you mommy!" I pray God is already placing a love for Christ in this baby's heart and that we are equipped to raise this awesome miracle child God is entrusting to us. Please join us in this prayer...

Love you guys and I"ll update soon and try my best to upload a pic of our miracle baby!!!

A New Year with New Blessings...

Good morning everyone! It has been an extremely long time since I updated Ian's Reason. I have been living my new life and working on not being so stressed out. Updating the blog was one thing I was able to let go.

Wae and I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas without Ian for another year. Yes it was hard, but we made it and actually had a good time at our holiday celebrations.

As soon as Ian went to Jesus Wae and I decided we wanted to have another child. Because of all of our genetic testing we discovered that Ian was a "mistake" in doctor terms but an extra special blessing in my mommy terms. It was explained to us that Ian should never have happened and that we should try to have more chidren because RCDP wasn't a factor for us. So...we started trying. We started trying 14 long months ago. Each and every month the pregnancy test has been negative and it has sent me into a deep depression every month. It is something we haven't shared with everyone but our close family and friends knew. We were meeting with doctors trying to determine what the problem was and of course it all led back to stress and there was nothing "wrong" with Wae and I. I slowly started letting things go and trying to be less stressed and less depressed about Ian. I knew God wanted Wae and I to be happy and to LIVE again.

So this week on January 6th at 4 am on Thursday morning it was time for me to take a test. I was up all night because I was so excited. So...I performed the same drill I have for the past 14 months and peed on a stick and waited for "Not pregnant" or "Pregnant" to appear in the window. I have waited and waited the past 14 months and it always took so long for the "Not Pregnant" result. Well...this Thursday morning it was almost an instant "PREGNANT" result in my result window at 4 am!!! I instantly ran into the bedroom and woke Wae up. We were stunned and thrilled. We prayed, and prayed some more, and prayed some more. I have prayed for every part of this baby that is about to form. I ask you to join me in daily prayer for this child to be healthy.

We told our families and friends yesterday and of course everyone is thrilled and so happy that we had some good news finally and some happiness ready to come back to our lives. When I told my five year old nephew Colin he was very excited. He said to me..."Can we name him Ian again?" :) I said "No, I think Ian would want to keep his name special and all his let's think of another one." He didn't care about another name. LOL...he and Ellisan are so excited about having a baby cousin. My nephew Owen isn't old enough to tell us he's excited but his mommy and daddy are and Owen is going to show our new baby all the fun things to do at Nonnie's house.

Ahhh...the feeling of happiness feels good!!! It's a little weird to know a baby is forming in my belly right now. I have wanted this for so very long and now it is really happening. YAY!!! I loved being pregnant with Ian. I wasn't sick ever and it was just the best feeling in the world. I can't wait to experience it again and this time with a whole new perspective. Prayers for a healhty child are greatly appreciated and I'll keep you updated. I'll post a pic of baby Ellis as soon as we get one. We should have our first sonogram in a couple of weeks. :) :) :) :)

I love y'all!!!

Adopt a Rhizo Kid

We are starting a new promotion for Rhizo Kids this Christmas. There are many Rhizo Kids whose families do not get much assitance in the things their children need. There are many toys and devices our Rhizo Kids would benefit from that we simply can't afford to buy when we are having to buy the expensive necessities for their health. This Christmas we are making a wish list and asking for people to volunteer to "adopt a rhizo kid" for Christmas. some of the items on our wish lists are rather expensive. In this case I am going to assign several families to one child. So...if your family and extended family and friends would like to adopt a rhizo kid together so you can buy more we would encourage you to do so. We have 11 Rhizo Kids who want to be adopted for Christmas. The children are: Callie Aspley, Abbie Carson, Ethan Holladay, Marlee Bedford, Alex Vodenik, Jordyn Cirner, Jake Cirner, Cale, Hayden, Corey Johnson, and Jackson Thomas. If there is one certain Rhizo family you have become attached to and you'd like to adopt them just let me know. If you just want to help a child out in general I will assign you a child. Please email me a list of who all will help you if you will be doing this in a group so I can make sure and assign the children appropriately. Your generosity will be greatly appreciated from our Rhizo Family. This is a project you can participate in no matter where you live. It's a great opportunity to teach your children about helping others and to teach them about caring for others by giving some of their Christmas to a child who has so many special needs. Email me at mellis@cherokeek12.org if you'd like to help out with this project.

We survived...

Well, we made it through the one year anniversary of our sweet little boy leaving our arms for Jesus and we made it through Ian's 2nd birthday celebration in Heaven. We slid through another "mile marker" people had warned us about and I'm going to be honest with you. The advice that comes from most people is plain ole' pooey!!!

Yes, we have now "celebrated" every holiday and every occasion without Ian. "Supposedly" after the 1st's of the 1st year it's smooth sailing. Well.......I'm pretty sure if you ask a mom or dad who has lost their child if any birthday without their child was any easier they'd say no. I'm pretty sure they'd say they were thinking about all the children who were celebrating their 3rd birthday (or whatever birthday it was) and wishing their child too was having that Elmo party like "normal" families. People say the 2nd Thanksgiving and the 2nd Christmas will be much easier to make it through. In my eyes it's yet another holiday Wae and I are "celebrating" without Ian there by our sides. The bottom line is our lives are different than most and we now have to learn to "live" through these occasions without Ian. So...onward we march to Thanksgiving and Christmas with our hearts focusing on our blessings as best we know how.

Wae and I took a trip over the week of Ian's passing and his birthday and it was a nice getaway. It was nice to not be in our house where so much took place, happy and sad, over the past 3 years. We were able to do some fun things that we hadn't experienced before and try to have some fun just the two of us. I always seem to feel so "guilty" to have fun or laugh these days! We went to a "monkey island" and fed monkeys bananas out of our hands. It was a true adventure and it was something done in memory of Ian since he loved monkeys so :)

Well, I'd better go get to cleaning my house. My best friend Lindsey is so very close to having her little boy (in a few days) and I want my house to be in order so I can be around to spoil the new little fella' in our lives. Oh how I love a newborn baby!!! His name is going to be Cohen Jeremy Bryant and I'm sure he's going to be one of the cutest little guys I've ever met...

The dreaded week...

One year ago this week our sweet Ian ran to the open arms of his maker. One year ago this week our only child quit breathing as he laid on my chest. One year ago this week my world, my life, my whole being was ripped apart.It seems like a lifetime ago but at the same moment it seems like it only happened yesterday. The tears are flowing this week as this mama's heart is aching for her little boy to be in her arms just one more time...





For the obvious reasons I have dreaded this week for the past year. I have realized one reason I have dreaded this week is that in my eyes many people think..."It has been a year since her little boy passed away. She is better now. She should be fine." I personally thought that after one year without Ian I would be much better. The pain doesn't go away. The pain hasn't lessened and the bitterness is still lingering. The hurt is far too deep to simply be healed by a year's time. It's a hurt that can only be mended by THE Father's hands and I am thankful I KNOW he is faithful!


I am remembering every second of last year this time and that is what is so painful this week. I am remembering every hospice visit, every visitor coming to say their final good-byes to Ian, our final good-byes to Ian, Ian's friends final good-byes on that precious Wednesday night, Ms.Kim sharing a frosty with Ian and waking him up for his final time, riding the golf-cart in hopes of waking Ian, and so many memories that I simply can't share on here. I am thankful to have these memories with Ian but at the same time these memories are far too much to bear.

My heart is heavy but thankful that I was able to experience two years of wonderful rather than a lifetime of nothing...my heart is broken but hopeful for the future...my heart is grieving but rejoicing because I WILL spend eternity with my little boy Ian with no timeframe on our time together! I am so thankful I believe in Jesus Christ and the hope of Heaven! I am so thankful my thoughts are that my little boy is in Heaven healed and whole playing on the streets of gold with his Paw Paw's and other loved ones. I don't know how I could survive the loss of Ian without the hope of Heaven! I am so thankful I was raised in the home I was raised in and taught the morals and values I was taught. Because let me tell ya'...if I wouldn't have been raised the way I was and had a strong faith there is no telling where I'd be after this life experience. I love you mama and daddy and I'm so thankful for the Christian values you instilled in me!!! God was preparing me to be Ian's mommy long before I even knew I would ever be a mommy.



I am asking for serious prayer this week. I am asking for prayer to just make it through the day each day. It's one of those times when the words just won't come but I know God hears my cries and knows what I need. So thankful He is faithful and won't leave us when we're at our worst.