The Other Side of Heartbreak...

Wae and I were asked by a local photographer to go to Birmingham yesterday late afternoon to be a "model" for a maternity session at a photography convention. Yes...this was way outside the box for us. We were standing in front of a classroom full of photographers and my belly was all hanging out and let's just say it was interesting. :) I couldn't believe Wae agreed to do this with no fight. Come to find out God had a plan for us yesterday at this convention and He had arranged all the details to fall into place.

While we were there we met a family who just lost their 17 month old little boy. He had a lot of health problems and about a month ago he passed away. He lived his entire life of 17 months in the hospital at Children's Hospital. (Yes...if you did the calculations he passed away Mother's Day weekend. Double whammy for this sweet young family!!!) They are in the throws of experiencing emotions you can't understand unless you yourself too have lost a child. They are in the middle of sleepless nights and long hard days when all you want to do is sleep. They are experiencing regrets and questioning every decision they made for their child. They are experiencing the hard times!!! The days when you can physically FEEL your heart breakiing every day that you don't get to see your child. People often say you can't feel heartbreak...well I'm here to tell you that you can feel heartbreak as if it's as real as slamming a glass plate to the ground and shattering it into a million pieces. Heartbreak is real and you can feel it in every joint of your body. It is EXHAUSTING!!!

As we were able to talk to the grandmother and dad of this sweet little boy who lived such a hard life we were reminded of the heartache you experience when you lost your child one month ago. He approached us by asking..."Do you have any advice for me?" WOW...do we have some advice. The only problem is...you can't think of it on the spot you know?!? There is so much I would love this family to know. I would love for them to know that well meaning people say the wrong things and you have to learn to overlook their comments. I want them to know that when people say "You'll be better one day. The pain won't always be there" that those people are right and wrong. The pain will always be there but it will be different. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss my sweet little Ian. However, I have learned how to live my new life without Ian and I now am able to function and live the new life that God wants me to live. Am I better nearly two years later...I guess it depends on who you ask, but I would say yes they are right. You do get better. However, the pain is still there, my heart is still broken, and I will always and forever miss my two year old son who now dances with the angels.

I would say we are nearing the other side of the heartbreak now. After talking with this family I could see that my emotions are so different now. The pain is not as fresh and my heart is slowing being welded back together. Are the cracks still there? Yes they are there and they will always be there. The pieces of my heart are simply glued back together and somedays the glue gets lose and some pieces start breaking again. However, MY GOD helps weld those pieces back together time and time again and He sustains me when I think I can't go on another day. So to that sweet dear family I met yesterday...your heart will mend...one day and God will carry you through to the other side.

As I sit here and type with my sweet healthy Asher kicking in my belly I praise God for yet another miracle in my life and I pray for the day when He can bring you to the point we are finally at. Much love and many prayers for your precious family!!