I have fallen in love with this class I am working with. They are in first grade so they are still innocent enough. I was doing their "fresh" read test with them today and they all did the same thing. They read a story to me each individually at my table during reading centers. I timed them for one minute then I graded them on their reading. I had to count the number of words they read and then count off for how many they read wrong. So you know it took me a few seconds to get my bearings and count the exact number they read. Each and every one of them said the same thing to me as I was counting. "Ms.Mary, Ms.Mary....did I do good? Huh, was that good? Are you proud of me? Can I get a reward for doing good Ms.Mary? Hey Ms.Mary was it good, was it good?" After a while I started laughing and the kids obviously didn't know why I was laughing, but I quickly saw the comparison here with how we do God. We are so quick to need some reassurance from Him aren't we? "Hey God...are you up there? Did you see what I just did? Was it good enough for ya'? Are you going to reward me for that God? Hey God....did you hear me? Did I do good...did I do good???"
Maybe you don't need any reassurance from God but man I feel like I do lately. My thoughts are more along the lines of "Hey God where is my reward? Haven't I been doing what you wanted?" Like the kids instantly wanted some candy for their good reading I am instantly wanting something from God too. So desperately I am wanting the "reward" of a healthy child and I don't get why I can't get that "prize" from him I need so badly. Then I stop myself in my own thoughts and think....Gosh Mary you are so childlike!!! You know I get so upset with the kids at school sometimes because they "expect" a reward. They "expect" candy or some type of treat as soon as they do something good or right. I say to them..."Can't you just do something good without expecting something in return?" Oh me....hold up girlfriend!!! I do the same thing with God! Don't you??? I EXPECT a prize or a big ole' pat on the back from God when I do something good and aren't we supposed to just want to do the right things??? Shouldn't we simply WANT to be a good witness for God without expecting him to reward us?
It would be nice to hear a very loud voice from God though wouldn't it? I mean like now...not later. You know..."Mary...I'm here! I do see what you are doing and I'm proud of you! Keep it up my dear daughter and soon enough, soon enough..."
Well, I better go get to reading Ruth. Bible study is in a couple of hours and I'm still not finished with my reading.
So very true. God and I had this very same conversation this morning.He wants us to do the right thing just because of who He is, not for what He will do for us.
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ReplyDeleteI stand amazed at you, Mary. I wish I could be the person and mother you are. You inspire me to do just that...to be a better me. You were (and still are) such a good mother to Ian. He may be with Jesus now, but everything you do, even after all you have endured, you do first for God, and second for Ian. I know that God let's him see you and I know that Ian is very proud of you and Wae. It must be so hard to even put one foot in front of the other, but you do soooo much more! God sees you and He WILL reward you - in HIS time, but you already know that!
ReplyDeleteI comment on your posts often, and that is because I have grown to really love and admire you! Isn't that funny, though, b/c we have never even met! I wish you the best this Sunday and I pray that God reaches many people through you! You are his vessel...you go girl!
Prayers to you and Wae...constantly!