What IS Ian's Reason?!?

I am thankful for my life. I am thankful I have grown up in America where I am free. I am even more thankful I have grown up in a small town in Alabama where Christian values are the norm. I am thankful for the blessings God has given our family. I am also ashamed that I do not do more for others. I am ashamed there are children going to sleep hungry tonight and I have done NOTHING to help them. I haven't witnessed to their families, I haven't helped them get food, I haven't bought them clothes, or taken them the clothes I have "outgrown" :) I've sat here in my "comfortable" life and continued to do things to make myself and my family happy. I haven't went on a mission trip and served others and I haven't given any effort to making a difference. Wae has just returned from Brazil on a mission trip. Before he left I was terrified! I was scared he would die in a plane crash, I was scared he would be murdered there for sharing his faith, I was scared he would get sick there, I was scared. I should not have been so afraid...I should have PRAYED!!! I was scared he would come home and say we had to go back and adopt all the children he met and just to be honest I was scared he would say to pack my bags that we were going to become full time missionaries. I wasn't worried about me being so touched and changed by the stories he would tell me. I have soaked in every story he has shared and I have loved listening to him share about people accepting Christ. I didn't realize that I should be scared that HIS experience would change MY life! I love children! I have a very soft spot for them and I have always known that my calling in life involved working with kids. I CANNOT stand the thought of a child going to bed hungry. It makes me sick to think that a child is living on the street tonight alone and afraid about what their next few hours of life might entail. And it infuriates me to no end that there are children being prostituted in countries. There are kids who have no toys and probably don't even know what a matchbox car is. What can I do? How can I help? Ian's Reason...when Ian was born his "reason" was to help other Rhizo families. We did that with Tracey as we started Rhizo Kids and brought families together from around the world. This is still a ministry of ours but we are not as involved now that Ian is no longer here. I know there is more to "Ian's Reason" I have been praying for so long for God to reveal my purpose in life. Am I supposed to return to teaching God?!? Father, do you want me to be a mom and only a mom...forever?!? Lord Jesus do you want me to go back to school and get a new degree?!? OR...do you want me to simply serve you?!? I have prayed and prayed along with Wae I'm sure that we would know God's will for our lives. I have a stirring in my heart and a yearning in my soul to not let Ian's Reason die. I want our sweet child to make a difference even though he is no longer with us. I want to start something through God's calling on our life. I am waiting...I am feeling a push to start a program "Ian's Reason" Maybe this will be here at home or in Brazil where Wae went on his mission trip. Maybe we can send Christmas boxes of presents there for children or maybe we can start a program to sponsor children there. Maybe even bigger...could we open a place for children to go as a refuge if they are homeless so they don't have to be afraid at night...so they don't have to be prostitutes?!? We could minister to these children and tell about our Lord and Savior and try to make a difference in their lives. Dreams can start small and grow big right?!? I'm just tired of watching others follow God's direction and me just sitting...and sitting...and sitting!!! When I stand in front of MY Savior I want to know that I used all He gave me while I was here! Please join me in praying that God's will for our lives would be revealed and that I will only pursue this if it is God's will. As I am scared again as I try to listen and follow God I will remember what we taught our kids at VBS this week. "God helps me. I will not be afraid!"

It's that time of year...

Once a year I get to put aside all things from my new "normal" and do something for Ian. Once a year for about a week or two I get to do something for Ian and I'm so thankful I have the opportunity to spend some time on doing things for him. It's that time again...Rhizo Kids Conference 2013. We are expecting around 75 people!!! There are 14 families coming and there will be 13 Rhizo Kids. We have families coming from all over...Texas, Tennessee, Canada, Ohio, and many more. There are five doctors coming who all have some great advancements for RCDP to tell us about. Although we are all so excited about being with our Rhizo family for 5 whole days there is also sadness looming. As we left the conference last year with many tears there was the unspoken fear in all of us. "Whose child won't be here next year?" IT's a dreaded thought for the Rhizo family, but when you are dealing with a fatal disorder it is inevitable. This year it is our sweet Jack Jack who won't be there. Our house won't be the same without his sweet self there. I always loved the fact that if you said "No, no, no, no, no" to Jack he would just laugh and laugh. He was such a hoot! I tell you all of this to ask that you all pray for Tracey. The conference is so hard to attend when you don't have your child. I always dread the moment we take the mom group picture because I don't have Ian to hold. Tracey's hurt is so fresh I believe she is going to need a lot of prayers. Please join me in praying for strength, courage, peace, and understanding for Tracey. If you would like to do something to help with the conference we would love to let you offer your kindness to our Rhizo family. We could use drinks. We need canned drinks and waters. We could also use some prepackaged snacks for the kids. You could drop off any donations at my parent's office in Centre by next Wednesday. If you'd like to contact me you can email me at maryellis96@yahoo.com Please be in prayer for the conference. We will start on Wednesday preparing all the houses and final touches before the families arrive on Thursday. We will have medical meetings Thursday-Sunday. Please pray for compassionate hearts from our doctors, safe travels for the families, and health for the precious kids. Thank you for loving Ian then and now and for supporting our mission through prayer. We can feel them.

What's your weakness...

Do you have a weakness in your life? A soft spot in your heart that the devil knows if he messes with it that he will get to you. Something that he knows if you are headed in a direction that's a path from the Lord that he better hit your soft spot to divert your attention. I have many weaknesses in my own life but one weakness is different. It is personal...it is something I guard with all my heart. All I ever wanted to be when I "grew up" was a momma. I dreamed of being a teacher and a wife but my heart was all about being a mom! That dream was kind of changed (for lack of a better word) when Ian was born. I had to become a mom, a Dr., a hospice nurse, an advocate, a researcher, an organizer, etc. I wasn't able to be "just a mom" to Ian. I embraced what motherhood was with Ian though and I loved every second of it. However, when I became a mom for the second time I became "just a mom!" I was able to be normal and enjoy no worries...so I thought! The devil picked up real quick that Asher was my soft spot...Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future." I claimed this verse on Asher's life from conception. I have prayed this verse over this child so many times I cannot even count them. I recite it over and over and over. God has great plans for Asher! The devil tries to invade my thoughts and make me visualize bad things as if that's what we deserve. However, God blessed us with Asher Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." God has a hope and a future for Asher. I tell the Devil this when he puts the horrible, awful doubts and questions in my head. I pray for God to banish the evil thoughts from my head that Satan is placing there. I 100% believe he is trying to sabotage my happiness and faith in Jesus Christ. He will not win!!! Asher has been sick with cold symptoms since about his 1st birthday. I just thought he had seasonal allergies like the rest of us and we went on our merry way. A few weeks ago I went to the doctor for yet another cold with Asher. His doctor gave him steroids for one week and breathing treatments every four hours for a week. He said he was 99% sure Asher had Asthma. Disheartening...my normal life was getting a little tainted with worries over the asthma. I let myself go to those bad places Satan wanted me to go. We did the treatment for a week, he was better, made the Dr. think even more that it was asthma. Boo! Two days later he's sick...AGAIN! It's viral infection this time 103.7 fever for a couple days no fun! I got worried...he's been sick too much. Somethings not right?!? I go to Asher's ENT who gave him ear tubes and explained what all had been happening. He says let's do allergy testing. We do that and we are positive for a peanut allergy! NO!!! Once again...the devil gets me. "Why wouldn't God just let you have one completely healthy child? Why can't he let you be worry free?!? Why would you worship a God like that who won't reward you with health for Asher?" This is what the devil is placing in my head! Along with every worry that can come with a peanut allergy. It can be a very serious allergy. I continue to try not to freak out. I meet with his dr and discover that his overall allergy test score was high so he's allergic to more stuff we just don't know what yet. Will do more testing soon. I can't wait now. I'm a wreck! Reading labels, watching Asher's reactions to foods, crazy lady here I'm telling you! So I tell you all this to say the devil has found my weak spot. Asher's well being means the world to me. I want nothing more than for him to be healthy and carefree. The devil may be trying to divert me from following God's plan but he doesn't know that I know that God keeps his promises. God has a plan for Asher. He knew that plan before he was even formed in my womb. He set this child apart a long time ago and he has plans for a hope and a FUTURE for Asher. You know it could be worse. It could be cancer, RCDP, something fatal, etc. He's just allergic to peanuts for goodness sake Mary! He can't eat Reece cups or homemade chocolate oatmeal cookies. Big deal, who cares! He can move his arms, he can run and play, he can reach around my neck and hug me! Get a grip!!! I tell you all this to say please pray for the battle in my mind. Please pray the rational, Christ following, God fearing mind to win and that the irrational, question asking, worried momma loses!!! Asher will be fine...we will make adjustments. I will educate myself on this and life will be good. Just pray the devil loses and that I am NOT diverted from the path God intends for our lives. I WANT to follow Him!!! I will let you knew about our further testing and ask you join me in praying for no additional allergies. These are just a few pictures from around Mother's day and just general life at our house. We take many "rides" and swing for hours per Asher's requests. He loves to play with his cousins and has a fit when they come over. "Boat...Pops" are his two favorite words and that my friends is music to my daddy's ears. Hope you enjoy the pics.

You ARE a great mom!

If you've ever met Asher you know that he is so many different things in one. He's the all around package in this momma's eyes. He is loving, sweet, silly, fiesty, hyperactive, all boy, loves bugs, is obsessed with tractors and farm stuff, mischievous, loves to read, and even loves to snuggle. Although he is so many great things, I'm afraid his mischief is starting to outweigh his sweetness. He will look at me, say no, then hit at me. After hitting, or pinching, or biting he will hug your neck so tight. As soon as he does something wrong I say, "Asher...you need to tell momma' you're sorry." He immediately hugs my neck so tight. Somedays those are the only hugs I get. Not saying I'm urging him to be ugly but the hugs are much appreciated. Maybe there is something he knows he isn't supposed to do...for instance throw his food across the table. He'll give me a smirk and then throw it anyway. Oh me... I do spank him. Actually we spank him a lot. I know some of you are thinking, "Well maybe he needs timeout and spankings don't work." Oh no need to fear, we spank AND do time out girlfriend. We have entered the terrible twos I'm pretty sure. I've been reading up about it and some blogs actually call it the "Terrific Twos" now. Bahahaha...come on!!! Any momma' out there who has had a two year old and actually remembers how they REALLY were at two, instead of some fantasy you have convinced your brain to remember, knows what I'm talking about. I can't count how many times I stop myself before losing it and say "Oh Asher, I love you...I just love you!" That method helps to calm my nerves and I don't scream something at him. You all know I am more thankful for this silly hard headed little boy than most. I treasure the tantrums of "Mine, Mine!" and I adore the "No, momma" words that come from his mouth. However, I am human and I actually get frustrated with him from time to time. I used to feel guilty about letting myself get frustrated with him. I used to scold myself and say "Have you already forgotten the lessons Ian taught you?!?" Then I realized I am only human. I cannot help but to get frustrated at a tantrum or get frustrated when he shakes my lose powder all over the bathroom floor. The first time he unfolded all the towels in the linen closet while I took a shower I got very frustrated. Now I just laugh and am thankful he's being quite so I can get ready in peace. Some of you momma's know what I mean. Or maybe when he turns the faucet around on the bathtub and turns the water on so that it is filling our bathroom not bathtub up with water. Yep! He did that as I was trying to shower. Once he unloaded every q-tip from a 500 Q-tip box in his bedroom. When I say every one I mean EVERY one. Frustrated?!? Just a little but I know it's his mischief just oozing out. He tries his best to control it but sometimes there is just too much mischief in his blood and he has to misbehave. Most days I giggle at him, I hug him, and I say "Oh Asher, I love you...I just love you!" But sometimes, just like every mom in the history of the universe, I get frustrated. For a temporary minute I forget about the lessons Ian taught me and I get mad at Asher. I tell you this all to say...It's Mother's Day. Maybe you are feeling like an inadequate mom right now. Maybe you're feeling like your kids think you always say no or that you're always being mad at them. Maybe you think you're just not good enough and that you don't do everything you thought you would do as a mom. Just know that your kids don't think that. They remember the good times when we are happy, silly, and loving everything they do. They remember us taking care of them when they are sick and rocking them all night long. They remember us kissing their boo boos and making everything all better. They remember that we read them that favorite book one last time before bed and it makes their heart smile. They remember that we let them play outside for hours and that we PLAYED with them. They love us just as much as we love them. Be proud that you get to celebrate Mother's Day. Being a mom is the most precious job in the world. Take the time Sunday to be celebrated by those who appreciate you and let's take that day to celebrate our children. We are so blessed to have them! I remember the mother's days after Ian passed away when I didn't have Asher. The pain was almost unbearable. We still have a missing piece to our family puzzle so the hurt is still there and very real. However, now I get to celebrate mother's day with my silly almost two year old who can make me laugh in no time. I'm thankful for God's grace and mercy. He blessed us with Asher to help heal our pain when we didn't deserve His goodness. We will celebrate this day with one of our boys in our arms and one of our boys in our hearts. I'm just so thankful somebody calls me momma'... I hope you all have a wonderful mother's day and know that you are an AWESOME momma'!!!

YOU are the salt of the earth...

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. " Matthew 5:13-16 Our church recently got a new pastor. He's not just any pastor either...he's AWESOME!!! He has started a class on Sunday nights and this Sunday Wae and I went. He spoke about us being the salt of the earth and the light of the world. There is a song on one of my contemporary Christian CD's that sings about this. I usually sing the song and love it but I never really take to heart the words, you know the true meaning of the song. After his class I can't sing the song without overflowing with emotion. It's talking about us...here and now. Not the just the disciples from the bible we read about but us!!! As Christians we are called to be the salt and light of the world. We are called to be examples. People should look at us and say "What is it about her/him that is so different? I want what she/he has!" We are to be different from the world and we are supposed to have different attitudes. Whoa! That one gets me... I realized I have not been the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Recently I have been a little on edge. My toes have been stepped on in regards to Asher and I have not been different from the world. I have not reacted the way a person who is setting a Christian example should act. I have acted just like a person living without Christ would act. I've been ugly, I've said hurtful things, I have let it consume my world, and I've been down right exhausted letting it rule my life. When brother Eddie was speaking I thought to myself that his lesson was for me! Brother Eddie described four uses for salt which applies to our Christian walk. It flavors, preserves, makes us thirsty, and works quietly. Are we doing that for our Lord and Savior? Are we being the flavor of Christ for our non believing friends? Are we preserving the world...are we ministering around us and being missionaries? Are we making others around us thirsty for what we have with Christ or are we turning them away from a personal relationship with Christ? (that one gets me!) And are we working quietly for the Lord by living a life that so resembles Christ that people see Him in us in our day to day life? After asking myself these questions I cannot answer yes to them all. I fail miserably every day...I continue to wallow in self pity, I gossip, I question God, I'm afraid to share Christ with friends and family who may not believe, people who really know me and see my day to day life know I COMPLAIN and I like it! I have to do better. We as Christians all have to do better because it is our command from God to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Let's pray for one another that we can do better! Brother Eddie asked us..."How many times does the world catch a taste of us and it's not Jesus they taste?" or we hear someone say..."I would have become a Christian if it wouldn't have been for all the Christians!" Wow... So you may be like me and be a stay at home mom. You may think you can't effect many people but in all reality we can. We take our kids to play dates, to the library, to the grocery store, etc. We can share our light every day as we are being moms and we have the most important job in the world in my opinion...we can share our light with our children! Asher is my world...I pray for him every day to grow up to be a man of God. To have such courage and strength that he takes a stand for Christ and is a life changer. He will not want to be that man of God if he has a momma who is not being the light of the world. Our children know the real us...they are with us 24/7. Be a Christian mom...be the mom who reads bible stories to your children, who prays with them at mealtime and before bed, set a Christian example, take your children to church, live out what it means to be a Christian, hug them, kiss them, and tell them you love them. Teach them to serve others and put their own needs below someone else's. We only get one chance at this thing called motherhood and it's something I don't want to mess up on. I hope you pray for me to be a good mom because I fail every day at something and have to try the next day to make it right. I encourage you to read Matthew 5 and let's all strive to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Let's try to win souls to Christ and make a difference!

Lord, what do I have that YOU can use?

I know, I know..."Whoa, a post from Ian's Reason?!? Really?" I've been missing in action and I'm sorry for that. I have been a momma, a wife, and involved in many activities at church. I have been so blessed over the past 2 years that I have really just sat in amazement at the mighty works of God. And that's all I've done basically...I've sat and enjoyed those blessings all to myself and I haven't been sharing them. I vowed to God many years ago that I would be a willing vessel here to share about Him and His goodness in my life. I have failed Him miserably but I am going to try my best to start my ministry of sharing God's goodness through my blog again. In the past two years a lot of things have changed in my life. I have become a momma to our second child. He's our little miracle child who is so many things bottled up into one vivacious little body. He's loving AND silly, he's sweet AND feisty, he's smart AND a wild man, he's too many things for me to describe in a sentence. He has been my world, my heart, my life...Another thing has changed. A prayer of mine has been answered in a mighty way. My husband has become a MAN of God. He is the spiritual leader of our household now...he drags ME to church when I'd rather stay home, he prays with Asher and me, he's going on a mission trip to Brazil soon, and he makes me want to be a better Christian. I just can't even describe how good God is. Just know that my heart is full... At revival a couple of weeks ago our speaker asked us to pray, "Lord, what do I have that YOU can use?" I have really prayed this prayer. I have thought I'm just a mom Lord. What am I worth? I talk to Asher, I talk to my family and friends, I talk to the girls I workout with, I talk to people at church and that's about it. I don't do much Lord. I'm JUST a momma'...remember. What can YOU really use me for? Well, let me just tell you. God has answered and He has stepped on my toes. Isn't that always fun. He reminded me of my mission with Ian's caringbridge site and Ian's reason. He reminded me of how many lives were changed through Ian's life and my "ramblings" on the internet. He reminded me that I have NEVER been "just a momma'" I am a daughter of THE KING! He showed me through prayer and a gentle nudging of my heart that he can use me and that I have to be willing again. I can't keep enjoying God's goodness and keeping it to myself. It's time to share again. It's time to live again! So...without further ado I'm baaaacccckkkk!!!! I just hope I can keep it up. Please pray for me to be consistent. When I say Asher takes up all my time I'm not exaggerating. He never sits still, he doesn't watch TV, we read 356 books a day on average :), he LOVES to play outside for hours and hours and hours. It's time to be transparent again. It's been a long time for me living my new life of just Wae, Asher, and myself without sharing. It's been kind of nice to be honest. I've had a stirring in my soul though and sweet friends if you've ever had the stirring in your soul from the Holy Spirit you know like I do that until you submit to HIS plan and will for your life the restlessness will not go away. Me...I'm a mom to two boys. I will always be a mom to two boys. If you ask me how many kids I have my answer is 2 and I count it a blessing to share about my angel Ian as I also share about my silly Asher. Do I miss Ian? Well absolutely. There is not a single day that I don't miss my sweet child in my arms. However, I have to daily make the choice in life of happiness instead of wallowing in my pain. Some days the choice is easier than other days. I'm a stay at home mom to Asher and I LOVE every second of it. I wouldn't trade my days at home for anything in the world. We have "mommy school" during our days at home and we work on little lessons I make and yes I am that dorky of a momma'. We go to the library for story time once a week, we play in the mud with our dog Miley, we ride the golf cart thing a mig outside, we swing, and we enjoy just being plain ole' normal! Is Asher rotten? Absolutely! I wouldn't trade this spoiling for anything...he's only little once and I learned that the hard way. I will not forget the lessons Ian taught me. Asher knows he has a brother in heaven. He will say "Bubba" and point to Heaven and say "Jesus" We have talked to Asher about his bubba from day one and we will forever nourish that relationship between him and his big brother. I am also a wife as part of my job at home...I try my best. Wae might say different. We don't always have a hot meal or a clean house but I try. All I know is...we have a happy home and that's a blessing in and of itself. I am able to do a lot of things for our church and I so enjoy doing that. I work with the nursery ministry at our church and it lets me be with the children some since I don't teach anymore. I was helping with the two year olds but quickly learned that's not really my calling in life. :) I do carve out a little bit of time for myself and I workout with some great friends a couple of mornings a week. It's such a stress reliever for me. I also enjoy running now and I never thought I'd be one of those people. Hahaha... I'm trying to take up the fine art of growing flowers since Asher and I are outside so often. So far so good...they've been planted two weeks and they are still alive. Woohoo!!! That's unheard of at our house. I have been giving them a lot of TLC though. In the past two months I have been a friend...a friend to someone dear to my heart who I cherish more than life itself. Someone who understands my every thought and worry...someone who now understands what it means to bury their child. My sweet friends Gregg and Tracey Thomas had to endure the same dreadful loss as us when Jackson lost the battle to RCDP in February. I was blessed to be with Tracey during this time and I wouldn't have been anywhere else. I know many of you remember Jackson and I tell you this to ask you to pray for Gregg, Tracey, and Taylor as they are simply crushed as they mourn the loss of Jack Jack. We are still working with Rhizo Kids and the doctors and we will find a way to help the other children with RCDP. Our boys lives were not for nothing!!! Well that's a little bit about us now. Just to cram in two years of me being missing. It's not all that's happened but it's the best summary I got. I say all this to you to tell you God can use you too. No matter what your occupation is or what your story in life is God can use you. Please pray and ask God to reveal to you what He can do with you. If he can use me, he can use you! I will be back next week...I promise!

Is this real?!?

I am sitting in the bed with my two boys...Wae and Asher. They are asleep and momma can't calm her nerves. It's THE DAY I dread all year...October 9th. The day my first born went Home to Jesus...the day my heart was ripped from my chest...the day when all went wrong in the world...the day my very full arms were all of a sudden very empty. The day no mother should ever endure. The worst day of my life! I have relived THE DAY about three billion times over the past three years but when THE DAY is here I relive it even more. I remember Ian's special Nurse Kelly who was so gentle and smart. She knew he was leaving us and so delicately told us to prepare. Little did we know it would be within a few short hours. What a God-send she was! I remember our sweet therapist Kim coming and visiting with a frosty and Ian waking up for the first time in days to see her and eat his frosty. Oh how he loved his Ms.Kim! I remember four grandparents who loved their grandchild with all of their being...I remember making them tell him their good-byes the night before he died! I remember the heart wrenching emotions. I remember our friends...they visited, they called, they cried, they prepared a funeral for their friend's child, and they never left us through all the craziness. Our parents still love us even though we've made some big mistakes and probably said a lot of hurtful things. Our pain is so deep...it's unbelievable! We're sorry if we've hurt anyone...there isn't a book "How to bury your child and survive for dummies" I've been asked so many times..."How do you do it? How do you live without Ian?" I know people think this is cheesy but I tell you this from the bottom of my heart. I make it without Ian because my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ gives me new strength every day to survive one more day without Ian. I could not do this on my own strength. I am a weak momma whose child is not in her arms anymore. If I relied on my own strength to survive this loss I would probably be in the crazy house or suicidal. BUT...that's not me. I wake up each day with new hope because I know He will supply all my needs. When I'm down He sends something my way that cheers me up. It's amazing!!! Today my weak momma self wants to be sad and only focus on the negative. I want to have a pity party and cry all day. I want to sit down and scream WHY and be mean to anybody and everybody that says something wrong to me. Whew...aren't y'all glad I'm not my self!?! I am made new in Christ's image because I am saved by grace. So today through Him I am choosing to focus on the good. Three years ago today Ian was healed and made whole. He was given a new body. A body with no stippling, no cataracts, no contractures, no dislocated hips, no dwarfism, NO PAIN, no deafness, no blindness, no mental deficiencies, no heart problems, no medicine, no hernias, no oxygen, no hospice!!! He was given LIFE...Our sweet boy is singing right now at the feet of Jesus. What a glorious sight that must be. He is raising those hands and running with the energy of a vivacious 5 year old. I picture it...he looks like Asher and has as much energy as little brother has. This makes my heart smile through all the tears. You see when you have Christ as your Lord and Savior you have the hope of Heaven. And that my friend...is how I get through life without Ian. I know when I am called Home I will stand at the Pearly Gates and I will see my maker. I will rejoice that I have been called home and hope to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant!" I will hug Jesus and He will say..."Sweet Mary there is someone very special waiting to see you." And at that moment in time my little boy will run in to my arms and all will be made perfect! So for the time being I focus on what our interim pastor Brother Bob said a lot..."You better be well doing here to hear "Well done" when you get to Heaven." I am going to choose to "well do" today and make my Heavenly Father proud instead of living in depression. I am going to strive to win souls for Christ and live a life of purpose. Why don't you join me and let's change the world?!? Love to you all and we greatly appreciate your prayers today and every day as we try to live this life without Ian...